Wednesday, May 16, 2018

“Off-Week” Update & A Truck Series Pick by Uncle Max


"Buy my book!"
Due to that pesky little thing called “real life” this will likely be the only article this week—hey, its an non-points event so its not like its a heartbreaker.  This is as good a time as any to remind you all that I have my first-ever book available for purchase on Amazon (paperback or Kindle) via www.100whatifs.com.

And now here’s Uncle Max with his pick for Friday’s Truck Series race:


Truck Series NC Education Lottery 200 (2 wins)—Kyle Busch: And I’ll make some bonus non-points picks for the All-Star race too: Chase Elliott, William Byron, and Ty Dillon advance from the Open, Bubba Wallace gets the fan vote, and Brad Keselowski wins the All-Star race.

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Brian France Puts Nascar For Sale on Ebay


Responding definitively to rumors that Nascar would was being shopped for sale, CEO and Chairman Brian France confirmed that he has placed the sanctioning body for purchase on popular online auction website Ebay.
“We’re always looking at possible business opportunities at Nascar, be they sponsors, supplier, or even purchasers”, France said from his offices in Daytona Beach.  “Ever since the rumor was floated that Nascar could be sold, we’ve seen a lot of interest from people wondering if Nascar would be sold.
“I felt that the best way to properly gauge interest, not to mention to get a proper valuation, was to let the open market decide on Ebay.”, France said.
France appears to have placed the multimillion-dollar property—which would entail Nascar’s brand, intellectual property, various sanctioning agreements, and lucrative broadcasting contracts—for sale as a traditional auction sometime late Tuesday Night.  France, using the user name of “BFRacer”, has a feedback rating in of 89, with most of his positive comments coming from various diecast collectable sales over the past few years.
“We believe heavily in the free-market enterprise here at Nascar”, France said.  “So what better way to see what we’re worth than to let the free-market decide?  That’s what makes this country great—that, and any buyer would be able to take advantage of local municipalities offering tax breaks for race dates.”
Currently no one seems to have reached France’s minimum asking price, although there was briefly a bid placed from “F1DaddyBern” which turned out to be a hoax.
When asked if Nascar chose to use Ebay due to Ebay Motors’ heavy presence during Nascar on Fox broadcasts, a surprised-looking France responded “They do that?  All the better then!”

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Nascar Pick Challenge: Uncle Max vs. Mystery Picker—Kansas


EDITOR’S NOTE: Uncle Max informed me privately that he was unable to provide his usual write-up due to ongoing car troubles.  He texted me his picks late Wednesday night.

Truck Series 37 Kind Days 250 (2 wins)—Johnny Sauter: GMS keeps rolling…well, in racing at least.

Xfinity Series OneMain Financial 200 (1 win)—John Hunter Nemechek: Just call him Concrete ‘Chek.

Cup Series KC Masterpiece 400—MYSTERY PICKER (4 wins) PICKS Kyle Larson.  Favorite (1 win): Kyle Busch—The Chevys just don’t have it this year, M.P.  Next Favorite: Kevin Harvick—The drive for five is a remarkably short one.  Dark Horse: Aric Almirola—first win in years comes at the track that broke his back.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Stupid Opinions on Popular Sports Through the Years

"Baseball in the major leagues, its really not that different from the sandlot game.  To be honest, anyone with the right attitude could make a big-league club and succeed, were the chances right.” —Glenn “No-Hit” Mills, 1928, career minor leaguer who earned his nickname as a batter.

“Golf is the same no matter what the level of play.  Its always going to be eighteen holes, be it Pebble Beach or your local municipal course.  The difference isn’t that big.” —Chester Aston, 1959, club pro who failed to qualify for a single PGA event.

“I’ve played the college game, and I’ve played the pro game, and let me tell you—the NFL is not all its cracked up to be.” —Marcus Hook, 1980, first player cut from NFL team rosters five years in a row.

“They make the Olympics out to be this big deal, but really?  Its about as easy as it gets, no matter the event.” —Ben Salem, 2004, “winner” of the rarely awarded tin medal for lack of athletic success.

“All the IndyCar fans out there might find this warm and fuzzy, but everyone would always ask me if I had a hard time driving those big old stock cars and if they were really physical, and I’m like, ‘No, they are way easier than an Indy car to drive.’” —Danica Patrick, Nascar driver who failed to score a single win in over 250 national touring series starts.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Mother Nature Admits She Doesn’t Like Nascar


Spade Racing was able to obtain an exclusive interview with one of Nascar’s biggest enemies this year, reaching Mother Nature at her home palace in the sky above the earth.  In her brief on-the-record statements, she affirmed that she simply doesn’t really like stock car racing.
Mother Nature (file photo)
“I’ve never been a big Nascar fan”, Mother Nature told us this afternoon.  “As the sole controller of weather on planet Earth, I let my disdain be known from time-to-time, but I’m really showing it this year.”
When asked why Mother Nature had expressed her anger towards Nascar so far this spring, she offered to elaborate:
“Well, its not one thing, but its a bunch of things.  As you might guess, I’m a bit of an environmentalist, and Nascar’s never been the greenest sport.  But at least before they didn’t try to hide their disregard for me, but now they’re shoving those Nascar Green commercials down our throats—come on, Nascar, we know you don’t really care.
“And another thing—Dale (Earnhardt) Jr. was my favorite driver”, Mother Nature explained, “he seemed like a pretty nice guy, so when I would catch a race every once in a while—my husband Father Time is a big racing buff—I usually cheered for him.  But with Junior gone, what’s the point?”
Mother Nature also appeared to have little respect for Nascar’s recent attempts at trying to outsmart her.
“Moving up races’ start times, huh?”, Mother Nature said, glaring at us as her voice rose.  “Well, I’ll just move up the precipitation numbers on you.  I can make it snow in the springtime in Virginia, and that was on a day when I was in a GOOD mood.  And by the way, feel free to let Darrell Waltrip know that that stupid Vortex (theory) thing doesn’t work at all.”
We were then shown the door and told not to return, as Mother Nature was preparing to put water in every race fan’s fuel lines on Monday morning.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Nascar Pick Challenge: Uncle Max vs. Mystery Picker—Dover


The tough season continues, but at least we’re sharing in the pain here.  Both Mystery Picker and I failed to choose a winner at last weekend’s roulette wheel of a race track, but its time to get back to basics with Dover.  I’m a firm believer in the concept of luck, and sometimes you need something familiar—like picking Jimmie Johnson at Dover—to change things for the better.  So its time to turn this season around!

Truck Series Jegs 200 (1 win)—Johnny Sauter: Nothing like winning a race nobody can watch to distract people from the goings-on of your team.

Xfinity Series OneMain Financial 200 (1 win)—John Hunter Nemechek: Just call him Concrete ‘Chek.

Cup Series AAA 400—MYSTERY PICKER (3 wins) PICKS Kevin Harvick.  Favorite (1 win): Jimmie Johnson—ENOUGH with Harvick already, OK Mystery Picker?!?  Next Favorite: Kyle Busch—4 out of 5 ain’t bad—in fact, its pretty remarkable.  Dark Horse: Erik Jones—first Cup win comes on weird pit strategy?

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

The Real Reasons Why Jimmie Johnson Wrecked a Third of the Field

—He knew the race was boring till then—he was just trying to help us out, people.

—He could’ve won, but better to have a storyline going into Dover.

—Couldn’t wait to hear how Jeff Gordon would defend him in the booth.

—Wind.

—Wanted to show William Byron that if you take someone’s parking space, there’s a price to pay.

—His mind was occupied trying to come up with a nickname for Chase Elliott*.

—He was so good so quick, he wanted to see what a rookie mistake felt like.

—Chad said something in a mean tone.

—Was off his game since his 5 o’clock shadow was more like 5:15 all weekend.


*—he’s decided on “Chase Naughton Jr.”