Saturday, April 21, 2018

John Hunter Nemechek Clears Sunday Schedule “Just In Case”

Xfinity Series driver and Ganassi Racing developmental driver John Hunter Nemechek has just cleared his schedule for this upcoming Sunday “…just in case”
"I bet a yellow "M" would look great on this firesuit"
“Well, as a driver, I need to be ready at any time”, Nemechek said.  “That’s why at around 9:30pm (ET) tonight, I made sure I didn’t have anything going on this Sunday.  I mean, you never know when you’re going to have to run a race, and that’s job #1 for me.”
Nemechek said that, if something were to happen that would cause him to race on Sunday in the upcoming Cup race, he would be sure to be an asset to the Ganassi Racing team.
“I’m all about learning, but more so, I’m here to help”, Nemechek said after booking a flight from the Charlotte area to central Alabama.  “I mean, when I’m out there, its all about helping my teammate.  I’m never going to argue with anyone on my team—and I’m certainly never going to confuse them with another driver, like, oh, I dunno, Kurt Busch for instance.”
Nemechek refused to say what the cause was for the recent change of plans, but seemed to intimate that he was ready if his team should need him.
“I’m ready, willing, and able, if the need should arise”, Nemechek said.  “You know what Douglass Adams said: ‘Don’t Panic’.  And he also pointed out what the answer to life, the universe, and everything is too, y’know.”

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Nascar Pick Challenge: Uncle Max vs. Mystery Picker—Richmond

A win!  Finally, a win in the Cup Series!  My luck is finally turning around!  I mean, you’ve seen how bizarre its been to start the year for me, right?  And if it wasn’t for Mystery Picker’s obsession with Kevin Harvick, I’d be leading this little competition.  But the comeback started Monday, and it will continue Saturday evening.  Because Uncle Max is back, baby!

Xfinity Series ToyotaCare 250 (1 win)—Austin Cindric—an exciting race with no Cup guys to ruin it.

Cup Series Toyota Drivers 400—MYSTERY PICKER (2 wins) PICKS Kyle Busch.  Favorite (1 win): Joey Logano—nice to see the Mystery Picker ripping ME off for a change.  Next Favorite: Kyle Larson—Chevy gets back on track at a non-aero track (for real this time).  Dark Horse: Chase Elliott—Hendrick FINALLY gets it turned around (for real this time).

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Local Tire Distributor Makes Bid for Nascar Contract

After a start to the 2018 season that has seen numerous issues related to tires—which are exclusively provided by Goodyear—a new competitor has offered to take over the contract—Clay Stevens Tire Warehouse. 
“We’ve been providing excellent service at discount prices to residents of the tri-County area since my father founded this company in 1947”, said Clay Stevens Tire Warehouse co-owner Al Stevens. “We’ve been looking to expand beyond our home base of six locations, and we feel that Nascar would make a perfect method to do that.”
Stevens said that his chain, famous for its “Buy 11 tires and the 12th’s 50% off!” loyalty program, has the personal touch and flexibility to serve the world’s biggest stock car racing series. 
“I always tell my managers that if there’s a problem they can’t solve to call me ASAP”, Stevens said. “It’s not how many customers we serve, it’s how well we serve our customers.
“Besides, with Goodyear, all they offer is the Goodyear Eagle. Now, that is a fine tire, but we can offer a wide variety of tire options from various brands that will handle best on any type of road or racetrack.”
Stevens said that he has had experience dealing with spikes in business (specifically the “pothole madness of 2013”) and would be able to handle the nearly 5,000% increase in business that would come his way if such a contract were to be approved by Nascar.
“We treat everybody fairly, so teams can be assured that while we might not have as many sets of tires available at Goodyear, we’ll have the right tire at the right price. Besides, it’s not like Goodyear’s been at that great at keeping up inventory lately, am I right?”

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Kyle Busch Wins Race Moved Up To 1am Start Time

Kyle Busch continued his mastery of Bristol Motor Speedway, winning today’s Food City 500 from the pole in a race which started shortly after 1am ET due to threats of rain in the area.
“It’s great get back to victory lane here at Bristol”, a noticeably drowsy Busch said after the win.  “This really goes out to all the guys on my crew who were able to get us some decent cups of coffee today.  Or is it this morning.  Or tonight?  I don’t know—all that matters is that we won, and I can go back to bed by sun-up.”
The race’s start time had originally been scheduled for approximately 2:15pm ET today.  However, threats of rain in the area saw the start time originally pushed back about an hour to around 1pm ET.  Upon further consultation with area meteorologists, however, the start time was progressively moved further and further back throughout the day on Saturday, with track officials eventually settling on a 1am ET start time to avoid any and all weather issues.
“Everything we do, its all for the fans”, track owner Bruton Smith said in the official statement before the start-time was cemented at 1am ET.  “And we know that fans will come out at any time with any notice to see one thing—me…wait, I mean, racing.”
The race was aired live on Fox, bumping originally scheduled programming of skin cream infomercials and “Living Single” reruns.  Local officials around the track were said to be OK with the start time change, as it was discovered that nobody lives within five miles of the track.
“We were OK with Bristol moving their start time to the overnight hours, after consulting with our media partners.”, Nascar Chairman Brian France said from his Daytona Beach offices.  “In fact, we hope that this expands our market reach into the coveted ‘Haven’t Slept for Five Days due to Fear of a Heart Attack’ Market.”
The race itself, meanwhile, featured 28 different leaders, three fist-fights following wrecks, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. running as a relief driver.

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Nascar Pick Challenge: Uncle Max vs. Mystery Picker—Bristol

Well, last week was rough.  And I’m not just saying that because my Cup pick finished dead last.  Remember the car trouble I was telling you about?  Well, just my luck that i finally got the money together, got everything taken care of—and I get a flat tire.  So there I was, on my way home from work, stranded on the side of the road.  Thankfully I had roadside assistance, but there’s nothing quite like trying to make awkward conversation with a guy you just met at 11:30pm.  Besides that there’s a big shakeup happening with management at work, so I’ve been working plenty late to try and impress the visitors from regional headquarters.  Here’s hoping I have better news for you with next week’s picks—and some more wins to my name!

Xfinity Series Fitzgerald 300 (1 win)—Brandon Jones—JGR sweeps the top three spots with no help from the Cup brigade.

Cup Series Food City 500—MYSTERY PICKER (2 wins) PICKS Ricky Stenhouse Jr.  Favorite: Kyle Busch—oh, so the Mystery Picker’s getting a little cocky, eh?  Next Favorite: Kyle Larson—Chevy gets back on track at a non-aero track.  Dark Horse: William Byron—upset of the season (so far).

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Spade Racing Movie Previews: Spring Preview

Its that weird time of the year when it could be 80 degrees and sunny one day and 40 degrees and rainy the next, with wind and snow in the forecast.  There’s no better way to avoid Mother Nature’s mood swings than in a climate-controlled movie theater.  Here’s a look at some upcoming movies with a Nascar theme.

20 Weeks—new fans react to being over four months into the season and realizing they’re only at the halfway point.

Overboard—Fox producers work their hardest to create rivalries—Harvick vs. Larson, Hamlin vs. Wallace Jr., Waltrips vs. Senility.

The Rider—an animated movie about a bug that latches on to a car during an Xfinity Series race.  Since the car belongs to RSS Racing and is driven by Jeff Green, this will be a short film.

Rampage—Jimmy Spencer returns to Nascar to explain what’s wrong with kids today.  Tagline: Still at large.  Very, very large.

Armed—a bored Carl Edwards decides to enter the non-lucrative world of competitive arm wrestling.

I Feel Pretty—Darrell Waltrip deals with the world seeing his hair without a dye-job (documentary).

Racer and the Jailbird—(insert Gene Haas and/or Rick Hendrick joke here)

Sunday, April 8, 2018

NascarMania: Showcase of the Mortals

Tonight is the night—NascarMania, the grandest stage race of them all!  Here’s a look at the scheduled bouts (Card Subject to Change)

PreShow presented by

Jimmy Spencer The Giant Battle Royal—30 drivers compete to win a golden hairpiece

Truck Series Tag Team Challenge—The Stalwarts (Matt Crafton and Johnny Sauter) vs. KBM: The Next Generation (Todd Gilliland and Harrison Burton) vs. The International Experience (Stewart Friesen and Brett Moffitt, ‘fighting under the flag of Japan’)

Main Show “Curtain Jerker” Bouts

Matt “Second to None” Tifft vs. Daniel Hemric “Flair”—winner gets to replace Ryan Newman in 2019

Austin “AC” Cindric vs. Chase “CB” Briscoe vs. Ty “No Initials Needed” Majeski—winner will be Austin Cindric, even if he loses

Preliminary Bouts
First Win Six-Pack Scramble—Erik “Jonestown” Jones, Alex “Zona Zoomer” Bowman, William “The Lord” Byron, Chase “Naughton Jr.” Elliott, Daniel “Hey Nineteen” Suarez, and Ty “Big Face” Dillon compete to become the next first-time winner in Cup

Denny “Special Delivery” Hamlin vs. Bubba “I Already Have a Nickname” Wallace Jr.—loser must leave the rec basketball league

Lumberjack Match—Kyle “The Golden Elk” Larson vs. Kevin “Too Many Nicknames” Harvick—the ring will be surrounded by media members trying to incite a fight between the two

Championship Bouts

Tag Team Championship--The Welcome-ing Committee (Ryan Newman and Austin Dillon) vs. The Jack Pack (Ricky Stenhouse Jr. and Trevor Bayne)

Intercontinental Championship--“Steely” Daniel Suarez vs. DJ “Tanner” Kennington

Six-Man Tag Team Championship--The Penske Posse (Brad Keselowski, Joey Logano, and Ryan Blaney) vs. Smoke’s Speedsters (Clint Bowyer, Kurt Busch, and Aric Almirola)

World Nascar Championship--Kyle “Man of 1,000 Nicknames” Busch vs. Martin “The Turnpike Terror” Truex Jr.