Sunday, May 31, 2015

Chad Knaus Announces Retirement To Replace DW In Fox Booth In Fans’ Dreams

Just moments after winning his 10th Dover race with driver Jimmie Johnson, crew chief Chad Knaus shocked the racing world by announcing that he would be retiring at season’s end to replace Darrell Waltrip at Fox Sports, as fans’ dreams report.
"Make sure you talk about which hot rods
are flat-out flyin'"
“I really feel like I’ve accomplished everything that I can in this sport, and what better place to make this announcement than right here at a track we’ve dominated for so long”, Knaus said in most fans’ post-race fantasies.  “I’m so proud to announce that I’ll be joining one of my heroes, Jeff Gordon, in the Fox booth next year, replacing the ‘great’ Darrell Waltrip.”
Waltrip was sanguine after the announcement, which happened solely in fans’ unconscious minds.
“Well, it’s been a great run with Fox and Fox Sports 1, but I guess the cat’s let the cat out of the bag”, Waltrip declared.  “I’m three races away from finishing my time in the booth, but I know I’m leaving this place in good hands with Chad Knaus.”

Knaus’s announcement in fans’ dreams was then followed by Michael Waltrip loudly quitting on air.  Fans were reported to wake up shocked that Kyle Busch did a post-wreck interview, though sources report that this actually happened.