Saturday, May 16, 2015

Fox Sports 1 Follows Fantastic All-Star Race With Canadian Idiots

In a marquee event for the network, Fox Sports 1 provided night-long coverage of Nascar’s Sprint All-Star Race—one of the most-competitive in recent memory.  The network then followed the coverage by switching to Fox Sports Live, a SportsCenter knockoff hosted by two Canadian idiots.
Punchable Faces Live!
“We are proud to broadcast one of Nascar’s most-popular events, the Sprint All-Star Race”, said Fox Sports spokesperson Megan Cara.  “As a broadcast partner, we think its necessary to provide only the best to this great race—incisive commentary, accurate coverage, and two Canadian idiots on a sports news show that nobody watches post-race.”
The Canadian idiots—formerly hosts of TSN’s SportsCentre program, which is surely a coincidence—consist of The Tall Guy and The Short Guy With The Stupid Voice.  Both are well-known for their goofy looks, their inability to deliver their copy without breaking, and zero respect for any non-traditional sports.
“We know that we’re not as established as ESPN, so we have to be DIFFERENT than ESPN”, said Cara.  “So we hired two Canadian idiots from another country’s version of ESPN’s signature show, and showed how different we can be by being generally worse and making zero pop-culture impact.”

In other news, Joe Gibbs was trying to find a polo shirt with even more logos on it.