At approximately 11am EST Wednesday, Richard Petty Motorsports will announce that Sam Hornish Jr. is the official replacement for Marcos Ambrose in the #9 car for 2015. Since it's on at a time when most Nascar fans are at work, here's what you'll be missing:
--Plenty of awkward camera-shaking waiting for the thing to begin, with just one person sitting on the dais (my money's on Sammy Johns).
--Aric Almirola, looking like he'd rather be anywhere but there, forcing a smile.
--Sam Hornish Jr. being introduced, then smiling his genuine smile--which, oddly enough, only LOOKS forced.
--A phalanx of RPM executives in the background, all silently praying that Richard Petty doesn't say something offensive.
--Plenty of talk about "a number of potential sponsors", "some exciting announcements about some new corporate partners in the coming weeks", and "We really want to announce who's going to be on the car next year, but we can't just yet".
--Pretending that Twisted Tea is going to sponsor about half the races.
--People online complaining that Richard Petty has an alcohol sponsor.