Saturday, October 11, 2014

Brad Keselowski vs. Matt Kenseth: Tale O' The Tape

Tonight's race started with some fireworks (which hung heavy over the track) and ended with some metaphorical fireworks (which metaphorically hung heavy over the track).  The shocking battle between Matt Kenseth and Brad Keselowski has us wondering--who would REALLY win in this fight?  Here's the Spade Racing Tale O' The Tape:

Fighting Out Of:
Matt Kenseth--Wisconsin, the thinking man's Vermont
Brad Keselowski--Michigan, the poor man's Indiana

Fighting Style:
Matt Kenseth--Once every 10 years or so
Brad Keselowski--Walk away from everyone between the haulers

Sense of Humor:
Matt Kenseth--Confirmed by media, still unseen
Brad Keselowski--Rumored by Twitter fans, still dense

Help of Teammates in Fight:
Matt Kenseth--Had Denny Hamlin ready to throw down
Brad Keselowski--Had Joey Logano avoiding argument with Danica

Tonight's Sponsor
Matt Kenseth--Dollar General
Brad Keselowski--Detroit Specific

Wrestler He Most Resembles
Matt Kenseth--Ken Shamrock
Brad Keselowski--Spike Dudley

Connection to Carl Edwards
Matt Kenseth--Hates Him
Brad Keselowski--Hates Him