Wednesday, November 14, 2018

The 2018 Xfinity Series Grand Finale at Miami—Non-Fatal 4-Way

This Saturday four men will enter, but only one man will leave victorious.  Four trained combatants will do battle in the 1.5 mile squared-circle with thirty-plus lumberjacks prepared to throw them into the wall if they get out of line.  Here’s a look at the championship contenders in this non-fatal 4-way:

Christopher “Ring My” Bell—from Norman, Oklahoma (so you just KNOW JR is gonna push him to the moon).  Member of the TRD (Tyrannical Racing Dudes) Faction.  Finishing move is the Bell-Ringer (flying headbutt).  Catchphrase is “And after that we want the gold—Denny Hamlin, we comin’ for YOU, FedEx!”

“Young King” Cole Custer—from Ladera Ranch, California (and its a planned community, so don’t put a cowboy hat on him).  Youngest member of the SHO (Stewart Haas Order).  Finishing move is Custer’s Last Stand (bearhug).  Catchphrase is “Don’t cross the boss…because he’s my dad!”

Daniel “The Kannon” Hemric—from Kannapolis, North Carolina (nickname runner up was HemRic Flair).  Valet to the track/ring is Kenzie Ruston.  Just inducted into The Dillon Family stable.  Finishing move is the No-Win Situation (sharpshooter).  Catchphrase is “Who’s Next?  I hope its me…”

Tyler “Big” Reddick—from Corning, California (do ya think that’s next to a town named Owens?).  Recently defected to The Dillon Family stable from The J.R.M. Squad.  Finishing move is the Tyler Defiler (camel clutch with theatrics).  Catchphrase is “Red…In…Peace.”