Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Jimmie Johnson Makes First-Ever Trip to Home Depot

Just one day after his last-ever race with longtime primary sponsor Lowe’s, seven-time Nascar Cup champion made his first-ever trip to competitor The Home Depot earlier Monday morning.
“Oh, this isn’t any sort of dig at Lowe’s”, Johnson said from the Home Depot lighting aisle, “Lowe’s was a great sponsor of mine for many, many years.  Its just that the closest Home Depot to my place is less than a few miles away, while the Lowe’s is about a 20 minute drive.
“Its just easier all-around, and with my old quasi-employee discount being gone, its just way more convenient to go to Home Depot.”
Johnson appeared slightly confused upon walking into the Home Depot this morning, asking a greeter for help locating the items he needed.  Johnson then wandered the aisles for the next few minutes, seemingly trying to get his bearings.
“Wow, this place is NOT laid out like Lowe’s is”, Johnson said to no one in particular.  “I mean, they’re all different sizes but I can usually find what I’m looking for after a few minutes.  This place is a whole new ballgame.”
Johnson appeared to be buying an outdoor light bulb, a can of wood stain, and a new circular saw.  He also perused some other items as he walked around the store.
“There’s some things I’ll keep in mind for the old Christmas List”, Johnson said while eyeballing the selection of snow throwers.  “And I wouldn’t mind getting a new tool chest—the one I got from Lowe’s is nice but I unofficially promised that to my brother.”
Johnson appeared nervous as several customers pointed out his presence in the store.  Although he posed for a few pictures and signed at least two autographs, he obviously was uneasy with being in what was once “enemy territory”.
“I hope people realize that this is really just a matter of convenience”, Johnson said upon checking out.  “I’m not going to make this a regular thing—its just that when I need an item or two, its just so much easier.  And I’ll still choose Lowe’s over anyone else when everything is equal.”

Johnson said he has no plans to visit a Menards, saying that he plans to spend the bulk of his offseason transferring his bank accounts to Ally.