Tuesday, October 24, 2017

BREAKING NEWS: Dale Earnhardt Jr. Gets “The Call”

A long-held conspiracy theory amongst Nascar fans appears to have been partially-confirmed this week, as sources have said that retiring driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. has received “The Call” in advance of the upcoming race at Martinsville Speedway.
“The whole race shop has been buzzing about it—the call came in to Junior himself earlier today”, an unidentified member of Hendrick Motorsports stated on the condition of anonymity.  I was there—he asked everybody else in the shop to step away from him while he took the incoming call on a secure line.  You could tell he really didn’t want to be bothered with anything else in the world at that moment.”
Fans, detractors, and even some Nascar media members have claimed that “The Call” would be coming in to Dale Jr. sometime before the end of the season, although no form of confirmation was available until just now.
“Not to be a conspiracy theorist, but the timing is just too perfect, isn’t it?”, an unidentified media member told us on the condition of anonymity.  “I mean, Junior finds out he’s gonna be a father, he only has a handful of races left—what better time to ‘Take Care of Things’ via ‘The Call’ than right now?”
Hendrick Motorsports, for their part, was coy in a prepared statement issued in response to the uproar over “The Call”.
“We at Hendrick Motorsports appreciate the interest fans give our drivers on a daily basis—yes, even Kasey Kahne.  However, we choose not to comment on such personal matters as what types of phone calls come in to our drivers.  Seriously, get a life, people.”
When reached for comment, Dale Earnhardt Jr. himself shocked experts by confirming receipt of “The Call” just as suspected by the media.

“Yeah, it’d been awhile since I got ‘The Call’, but I guess its my time, isn’t it?” Dale Jr. confirmed.  “I know it won’t make some people happy, but I really do need to get to the dentist.  I’m just glad they confirmed the appointment with me by phone this time.”