Monday, February 20, 2017

Fox Unveils Newest Model of Darrell Waltrip Cyborg

With the 2017 racing regular season just around the corner, Fox Sports held a press conference to present the latest edition of its Darrell Waltrip announcing Cyborg. 
Like all computerized robots, it is
prone to occasional crashes
"We're proud to say that our latest model will be ready to go for the (Daytona) 500", according to Fox spokesman Sloan Primo. "We still have some beta-testing to work through, but we're confident that the ol' DW version 17.01 will be fully operational by the time we go on the air. 
The latest edition was on display, though it was emphasized that it was not completely finished. 
"We're still perfecting the Danica-monitoring devices for the paisley tie, and here", Primo said, pointing to a hole in the left arm, "is where the revamped Junior-promoting functionality will be, but we're accustomed to working up until the last minute to get this thing perfect."
Primo noted that things are much easier this year than last, when a completely new model had to be constructed to be compatible with Jeff Gordon. However, issues still remain in the program. 

"While we're proud of all our Cyborgs, we're still sad to say that our Michael Waltrip robot is still encountering difficulties", Primo said ruefully. "Specifically, we have yet to stop it from racing in races in northern Florida and Alabama, and have yet to remove the Lisp-Matrix."