Sunday, May 1, 2016

Nascar Relieved to Return to Boring Racing on Saturday Night


After a tension-filled Geico 500 this afternoon at Talladega, Nascar’s best and brightest were relieved to be done with the excitement, preparing for a dull, boring race at a cookie cutter track like Kansas on Saturday.
Thankfully its back to single-file racing
on Saturday!
“Any chance you can take to get a win, you’re gonna take that chance, Mike”, winner Brad Keselowski told a reporter (apparently named Mike) in victory lane.  “But I’m glad that next week we can get back to real racing—follow-the-leader for 400 miles around a cookie-cutter 1.5 miler.  Anytime you can have a race track where aero is everything, you’re excited.”
Perhaps not surprisingly some of the drivers involved in wrecks today were also happy to look forward to next week.
“Hey, we have to get through this wild and exciting afternoon to get to what we really want—plenty of debris cautions and the only passing happening on pit road”, said multi-wreck victim Jimmie Johnson.  “That’s what the fans really want anyways—when you think of me, you think of dull, grinding consistency, not daring passes for the lead from nowhere.”
In fact, it seemed that only one driver could be found who wasn’t excited about going to Kansas, a track that has two dates thanks to Nascar’s relationship with the neighboring casino development.
“Well, it’s Kansas, and I don’t really like that.”, said driver Kyle Busch while sipping on a water bottle.

Busch then stared blankly at the reporter for the next 10 minutes.