|Not pictured: the Anykey|
The first installment in a new series here at Spade Racing, in which we answer some questions about the sport’s biggest changes by shamelessly ripping off The Onion.
THE CHARTER SYSTEM
What is a “Charter”? A Charter allows a Nascar team owner who has competed on a regular basis over the past three years to have a locked-in starting position over the next nine years, provided that they continue to ignore that this is what caused IndyCar to go down the tubes in the 90’s.
How many Charters are there? 36—one for each relatively competitive team in Nascar (minus the Wood Brothers, and plus Premium Motorsports).
What is the significance of the new 40 car starting field? Similar to how the 43 car field honored Richard Petty, the new 40 car field honors Robby Gordon and Greg Sacks.
What are non-Chartered teams going to be called? Publicly, “Open teams”. Privately, “Screwed”.
Did Rob Kaufmann found the Race Teams Alliance just so that he could get something out of his wasted investment in Michael Waltrip Racing, or just so that he could remain relevant while owning a small part of a mid-level Ganassi team? Yes.
What is the punishment for mistakenly calling this a “Franchise” system? 25 owners points and $10,000 fine.
What’s to stop a Chartered team from starting-and-parking? Mike Helton coming by and personally inspecting your car for that “vibration”.
So what will they do with those extra three pit stalls? Future homes of “Braisin’ Brian France’s BBQ Restaurant and Make Your Own Sundae Bar”s.