Saturday, August 25, 2012

Tony Stewart to Auction off Helmet for "Lets Give Matt Kenseth Driving Lessons" Charity

After a cooling-off period, Tony "Smoke" Stewart has decided to make some good come out of his helmet-throwing tantrum.  Starting tomorrow, he will auction off his tossed helmet to benefit the "Lets Give Matt Kenseth Driving Lessons" charitable foundation.
"We all saw what happened when Robby Gordon tossed a helmet at Michael Waltrip--they autographed it and auctioned it off to benefit a worthy cause", Stewart said, "Well, I can't think of anything the world needs right now than driving lessons for Matt Kenseth."
Stewart did not say how he got Kenseth to sign his helmet, though, upon closer inspection, it seemed to have been signed by one "Mutt Kensuck".
"Every race, we can see the need for Matt Kenseth to learn how to race", Stewart explained.  "Every week that goes by without the driver of the 17 getting lessons on proper racing style is another week lost.  We can only go so long without helping that cheese-headed moron."
Stewart said that, while "Lets Give Matt Kenseth Driving Lessons" would be the primary beneficiary of his auction, funds may also be donated to the "Regan Smith Ruined My Day" Victims Fund, as well as the "Seriously, Montoya, Again, Seriously" Alliance.
Stewart continued, "I honestly can't see how the world lets people not me, and people not associated with me, win races.  Its really a travesty of justice, reason, and me not getting my way."
When reached for comment, Matt Kenseth said that, while he didn't accept blame, he, "…would accept funds from Stewart, and maybe start (his) own charity, to help Tony NOT look 7-months pregnant".