Timmy Hill Announces Multi-Race Agreement with Eastern Airlines


Fresh off securing a partial-year ride with Rick Ware Racing (slogan: NASCAR's Hardest Name to Say), Timmy Hill has announced new sponsorship from transportation giant Eastern Airlines. 
"We're going into 2017 full-bore ahead, and nobody represents ingenuity and hard work quite like the good folks at Eastern Airlines", Hill said in a press release. "We look forward at RWR to showing race fans all the great things this great airline has to offer."
Eastern Airlines has a long history in the US aviation industry.  From its longtime sponsorship of Walt Disney World's ever-popular EPCOT exhibits to its status as one of Look Magazine's 10 Airlines to Watch, Eastern Airlines brings a model of stability and success to the star-crossed Hill. 
"I've had plenty of sponsors in the past year or so", Hill said, "but I really think that 2017 will be a great chance to partner with great companies like Eastern Airlines, Hechinger's Hardware, and The Hecht Company. I'm out to prove this season that When There's A Hill, There's A Way."

Eastern Airlines officials could not be reached for comment. 
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The Daytona 500 Commercial They SHOULD Have Aired



Sunday SUNDAY SUNDAY!!! at the Daytona International Speedway!  It’s the Daytona 500 Demolition Derby SPECTACULARRRRRRR.  Thrills, spills, and bone crunching SPILLS for four hours or 200 laps, whatever comes firrrrrst.  Millions of dollars in RESEARCH and thousands of man hours of HARD WORK will be DESTROYYYYED in a matter of MINUTES.
Come see all your demo derby favorites—Chase “The Blocker Elliott!  Jamie “I’ll Make It Fit” McMurray!  Martin “Bad Luck” Truex Jr.!  And special appearance by Konservative Kasey Kahne!
Tickets available at all ISC race tracks!  AndKidsSeatsAreOnlyFullPriiiiiiiiiiiice!
We’ll give you the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edddddge for when you stand up in disgusssssst!

CRASH CRASH CRASH-SH-SH!!!
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BREAKING NEWS: Kyle Busch Admits He Was Doing a Burnout To Celebrate Winning Stage


After a few questions of interrogation following his interview with Jamie Little, Nascar driver Kyle Busch admitted that his “spin-out” on track was not an accident.  Instead, he was doing a belated celebratory “burn-out” to commemorate winning the first stage in the Daytona 500.
“Really, I was just so excited to get that stage win”, Busch admitted in an exclusive interview with Spade Racing.  “To be able to win the first-ever stage in the Cup Series, that really means a lot to me.  I was so jacked-up about it that I just couldn’t wait until after the race to start celebrating.”
Busch had previously admitted to such odd career goals as winning 200 touring series races and smashing a priceless trophy-guitar.  This is just another of his strangely specific racing accomplishments.
“Whether its becoming the first driver to win a championship with an injury waiver, or being the guy Hendrick Motorsports didn’t choose over Casey Mears, all my career goals are my own—mine.  Whatever it takes to accomplish them, I will do.”
Busch was seen being handed a “First Ever Stage Win” flag during his most-recent pit stop, and seemed incensed that he was unable to celebrate properly.

“These Goodyear tires, they just don’t hold air”, Busch said, “when you’re trying to go around at 180 mph.  They really need to get on that.”
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