|Strawberries not included|
Sprint Cup driver and Port Tobacco Maryland (pop. 13) native Timmy Hill was announced today as the new spokesman for the cereal known as "Crispy Hexagons".
"It's really an honor to join such a popular product in their marketing plan", Hill said in front of a "Crispy Hexagons: Endorsed By Someone" banner. "Almost every supermarket in America carried this delicious off-brand cereal, bringing a healthy breakfast option to budget-conscious consumers everywhere."
Hill will be featured on a single box of Crispy Hexagons, to be given away in the company's "Like us on Facebook and Win Something" contest. However, they'll be employing some "stealth marketing" on the track.
"Crispy Hexagons doesn't need commercials, slogans, mascots, or even a consistent logo to spread its message", Hill said, "so they don't need a big decal on the hood of our stock car. Whenever you see a blank white car on the track, think of Crispy Hexagons."
Hill has had a varied Nascar career so far, with limited success in a number of underfunded rides. However, he remains optimistic that with this new financial backing, his luck can (and will) change.
“We’re talking four figures here”, Hill explained, “so we should have enough to run more than just a few laps—maybe even several!”