Sunday, October 21, 2018

The Ultimate Race Shop

Programming Note: That pesky thing called "real life" is getting in the way of watching today's race, so there'll be no regular "Burnout" article this week.  Enjoy this instead!

My OTHER website has relaunched with all new information, updates, and pics!  With that in mind, here’s what *I’D* like to see in a race shop:

—“Great entrance” featuring giant sign saying “If this were any other sport, you’d have been kicked out by now”.

—Wide variety of hero cards backed by a glowering image of the team owner to dissuade eBayers from taking a dozen to sell online. 

—Gift Shop staffed by receptionist who doesn’t mind if you just walk around aimlessly for an hour. 

—“Fan Walk” showing the millions of dollars and hundreds of hours that go into building each and every one of these cars...that could be destroyed in a single second. 

—Used sheet metal for sale, divided into “Normal wrecks” and “Wrecks caused by Ricky Stenhouse Jr” sections. 

—Flatscreen TV showing highlights properly voiced over by someone you can’t quite place (“I think it’s Marty Snider, but maybe it’s Steve Richards?”)

—Interactive displays simulating for a fab what it’s like to race for four hours in incredible heat only to immediately have a microphone shoved in your face. 

—Outdoor viewing area for pit stop practice, complete with free lug nuts (they’re the world’s best paperweights!)