Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Next time on “Nascar America”


Anchor: “Now, we saw a LOT of wrecks at Daytona, but at any track its the spotter’s job to keep the driver out of harm’s way.  Let’s go to our driver experts in Burton’s Garage—just how important is it to have those ‘eyes in the skies’”
To be fair, his mansion contains
the recipe for the 11 herbs & spices

Kyle Petty: “Well, first of all, I don’t know if I qualify as an ‘expert’ anymore, but seriously, without a spotter, its like racing with a blindfold on.”

Greg Biffle: “Yeah, I mean, you have to have a spotter to see what’s going on at all times.  Lord knows that you can’t watch everything all at once, especially when you’re a driver, earning all the money in the household, working long hours to bring in sponsors, putting your body on the line for the sake of finishing 19th instead of 20th.  And so of course you’re going to want to watch everything in your own domain to make sure nobody is taking anything from you—I mean, you own it, that’s YOUR SPACE.  You have every right to have your property being watched 24/7 by your own people for your own security—its just your right as a law-abiding citizen, and it is law-abiding, no matter what your ex-wife says, and I should know, I have a fleet of lawyers on my side.  And besides, we all know this is really all about that time your mother-in-law took those towels from the bathroom closet for that trip to the beach, even though I specifically told her that we had beach towels IN THE CAR.  So, yeah, the spotter is pretty important, I guess.”

Kyle Petty: “Wow.  That’s incredible.”


Anchor: “Um, yeah.  Anyways, we’ll be right back with a closer look at loopholes in retired drivers’ contracts allowing them to be let go without pay for minor contract violations.”