Sunday, June 4, 2017

Paul Menard’s Left Sideburn Out 4 Weeks with Injury

The post-race festivities at Dover International Speedway were tempered a bit today after word was received of a major injury to Paul Menard’s left sideburn.  The follicular arrangement is expected to be out for up to a month for recovery.
The left sideburn in happier days
“I’m so proud of my grandson Ty (Dillon), but all our thoughts are with Paul’s left sideburn”, team owner Richard Childress said, his own grandchild’s top-five finish clouded by the serious hair-related injury.  “You really hate to see anything like this happen, but when its your own team, it just hits so close to home.  We’re staying in contact with the sideburn and hope it’ll be able to make a full, speedy recovery.”
The left sideburn was injured during a mid-race wreck in which Chris Buescher ran Menard’s car into the outside wall exiting turn 2.  On-site emergency workers believe it was the following hit, in which Menard’s car hit the inside wall, that caused the injury.
“Paul Menard’s left sideburn was transported to the Greater Dover Beard and Facial Hair Emergency Center in Smyrna and is in serious but stable condition”, an RCR spokesman said.  “While the injury was serious, we think we’re out of the woods, and the patch of hair should be able to recover fully and completely within the month.”
The spokesman said that, as the situation is still unfolding, they have yet to consider who would step in for the left sideburn in the forthcoming races, although Regan Smith’s neck-hair is reportedly expected to be contacted in the near future.

Driver Paul Menard was unable to be reached for comment, as he has not spoken in five years.