Saturday, April 15, 2017

Easter Weekend Plans


A true rarity comes to the Nascar world this weekend—time off.  With all three national touring series taking the Easter holiday off, here’s a look at what some of Nascar’s biggest stars will be doing with their down-time:

Denny Hamlin—Go through dozens of Facebook posts with “Look—its a Denny Easter Ham-lin!” tags and respond “hahaha, good one”.

Jimmie Johnson—See if “JimmieJohnsonSux.com” is up for purchase again.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.—Get momentarily annoyed that he’s having a slow start to the season, then realize he’s a millionaire doing what he loves with a knockout wife and go back to feeling happy.

Brad Keselowski—Go to a local bar, have guy at bar ask him what its like to drive 206mph, respond by asking guy at bar if we ever truly know what feeling is, since as human beings we interpret “feelings” differently, and thus may not be able to communicate said feelings to anyone but ourselves.

Kasey Kahne—Continue to update resume.

Darrell Waltrip—Resolve to grab Jeff Gordon more in the booth, since it seems to make for more dramatic broadcasts.

Jeff Gordon—Resolve that the next time Darrell Waltrip grabs him during a broadcast to punch his lights out.

Chase Elliott—Write “I will win a race by the end of the season” 100 times on the blackboard in his apartment.

Martin Truex Jr.—Collect four-leaf clovers, horseshoes, and anything with “7”s on them, but continue to blame everything on bad luck.

Paul Menard—Re-sharpen sideburns.

Alon Day—Go to the movies.


Uncle Max—Get called into work—hey, double-time pay is a cruel mistress.