Sunday, October 23, 2016

BREAKING NEWS: Joe Gibbs Racing Signs Last-Minute Alliance with Reed Sorenson

Nascar fans were stunned at the start of today’s Hellman’s 500 from Talladega when drivers Kyle Busch, Carl Edwards, and Matt Kenseth dropped to the back of the field voluntarily.  However, Spade Racing investigators have revealed that this was part of a larger strategic alliance with the only other car to drop back early, Reed Sorenson.
Denny Hamlin reportedly missed the meeting
to catch a really good rerun of "The Fresh
Prince of Bel-Air" on TV Land
“Reed has what it takes to win this thing—you saw how fast he was in qualifying”, Busch was overheard saying in an early-morning team meeting.  “He has was it takes to win—no, not RYAN Reed, we want a guy who can actually race without spinning out.”
“We gotta drop to the back—it’s the only way that makes sense!”, Kenseth retorted, adding, “Look—I’m losing most of my sponsorship next year when Dollar General leaves.  These big-time marketing guys, they don’t want to see a driver who goes out there running for the lead on every lap, they want someone who’s cautious and cunning, and that’s what we’re going to do by hooking up with Sorenson.”
Sorenson, running for the low-budget 55 team, surprised fans by advancing into the second round of qualifying for today’s race.  His car seemed to pass through post-qualifying inspection without issue, leading some to wonder what he could legally have in the car that would allow him to run with teams who spend more than triple what his team does.  His drop to the back at the start of the race has made many in Nascar—specifically the Gibbs team—think that he must have a game-changing strategic plan.

“Hey, I got no problem dropping to the back—I do this every year here”, Carl Edwards said.