Sunday, August 28, 2016

Long-Haired Weirdo Invades Victory Lane


A feel-good moment at Michigan International Speedway, the first-ever win in the Cup Series by Kyle Larson, was marred somewhat by the random appearance by a long-haired weirdo in victory lane.
The strange man was later seen giving
an impromptu concert to an empty room
“We don’t really understand what went wrong—we rolled the 42 car into victory lane, and all of a sudden some older gentleman with a ponytail runs over trying to get to the driver and the owners.”, an unidentified security guard said of the situation.  “He kept talking some nonsense about how he used to drive the car, and how ‘his grandpappy made the 42 famous’, we don’t know what got into him but I’m guessing its more than a few Coors Lights.”
Larson scored his first Cup Series win in convincing fashion over fellow “young gun” Chase Elliott.  He appeared to be both relieved and happy to finally win in the Cup Series, although he was immediately bewildered by the presence of the bespectacled hippie-like man in the suit and tie.
“Its…its really been a heck of the ride to get here to victory lane”, Larson said upon collecting himself, “but I really have no idea what’s going on here.  First, that guy who looks like an art teacher comes up talking about how ‘incredible’ this is, then I start getting all these phone calls in Spanish from Texas.  And my PR guy said there’s some guy trying to send me a telegram from something called NEMCO, whatever THAT is.”

The strange man in victory lane was gone almost as soon as he had arrived and was not available for comment, although he was overheard saying that, as far as his motive, there was “…nothing mello about it”.