Saturday, August 23, 2014

Spade Racing (For The Ladies) Announces Dedicated Reporter to Cover Milka Duno



We* at Spade Racing pride ourselves on being topical, informative, and above all else, original.  That's why we've decided to rip-off a much-more popular website and hire someone to solely follow Nascar's latest female sensation, Milka Duno.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Jay Brent:
Jay Brent at the
premiere of
"Patty! The Patty
Moise Story"
"It's a great honor to join such a prestigious website.  As you can tell by that previous statement, I'm a gifted storyteller.  If a more-popular website has taught us anything, it's that a female driver deserves not only unyielding coverage, but unyielding banal and cloying coverage at that.  I'll do whatever it takes to ask the tough questions, including such investigative reports as 'Is Milka improving?'  'How does Milka relax?' and, 'Will Milka's run of bad luck ever end?'"
Milka, looking much better
in a Citgo firesuit than
Michael Waltrip ever did
This will be the first and most-visible addition to our new affinity website, Spade Racing For The Ladies.  Originally, we were going to call it Spade Racing W, but too many people were pronouncing it "Spaderacingwuh".  Going forward, we're planning to launch more affinity sites, such as "EightThirtyFive", which will focus on the careers of Hut Stricklin, Derrike Cope and Geoff(rey) Bodine, and "Gruntlund", a gathering place for insufferable hipsters.
Jay Brent comes to Spade Racing with an impressive unchecked resume, having covered such athletic luminaries as Anna Kournikova, Jennie Finch, and Heather Mitts.  However, Brent has said that he is happy to move on to a new subject:
"Any time you get the opportunity to cover someone as dynamic as Milka Duno, you jump at that opportunity.  Plus, my restraining order against Hope Solo is still in effect for about another two years, so I have some time on my hands.
"Besides, after failing to qualify for her first race, she has nowhere to go but up!"
Because if the most-popular sports website in the world provides incessant coverage of Danica Patrick in the Cup Series, then a woman competing in the Nationwide Series deserves coverage from a website like this.

*Yeah, it's still just me.  I'm just borderline crazy, and not in a good way.