Sunday, March 4, 2018

Teams Preparing to Switch to Manual Lug Wrenches for Pit Stops

After another week with multiple issues involving Nascar’s own provided air guns on pit stops, multiple teams have announced that starting next weekend they will begin using manual lug wrenches for pit stops.
Doubles as a weapon
“We knew there would be growing pains with this program, and we’ve decided to let those pains happen without us”, said an unidentified crew chief for a major team after today’s race.  “We’re going back to the old-fashioned way of elbow grease, a long metal handle, and jumping on the wrench when the lug nut is stuck.”
"Nah, its still got some life in it"
Nascar has reportedly allowed the use of manual lug wrenches, and while elated that the antiquated system will “show off the athleticism of the pit crews”, are disappointed that so many teams are abandoning their air gun system.
A Nascar spokesman addressed the issue, saying, “Yes, there have been issues with the new air guns provided by Nascar headquarters—but how could we have seen that coming?  I mean, look at our history—have we ever had issues implementing anything?  Group qualifying, stage racing, the playoff format—we rarely have to change anything once we’ve implemented it.”
The unidentified crew chief stated that they will begin holding tryouts for tire changers at the team’s race shop on Tuesday, and encouraged weightlifters, professional wrestlers, and World’s Strongest Man competitors to apply.
“This won’t be a job for just anybody—you’re literally going to have to carry your weight with this job”, the crew chief said.  “We expect to have some growing pains of our own, but still, its better than relying on whatever Daytona (Nascar’s headquarters) is supplying to us.
“Of course, if Kevin Harvick wants to keep using the Nascar air guns, that’s totally fine by us.”