Sunday, March 18, 2018

BREAKING NEWS: Dale Earnhardt Jr. Announces Comeback


In a stunning development that has shocked the racing world, recently retired driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. announced a comeback today, stunning fans and former competitors alike.
“I never thought I’d see or hear this, but there it was, plain as day on the tv”, a longtime fan explained.  “I mean, I’m the biggest Dale Jr. fan you could find, but even *I* thought he was done until what I saw today.  It really just goes to show you that you never know what someone will do once they realize what retirement is all about.”
Earnhardt Jr., Nascar’s most-popular driver for years on end, left the sport after the 2017 season in order to leave on his own terms.  Today’s comeback, however, shows that the lure of competition could be too strong for even the most-stubborn of former drivers to resist.
“I was real impressed with Dale Jr.’s decision today”, said former teammate and current broadcaster and DW wrangler Jeff Gordon.  “It’s funny—when *I* retired, I knew I wasn’t going to come back.  Then, ironically, I had to because of Dale Jr’s injuries.  Weird how things work out like that sometimes.  Wait, DW—hands off that Danica cardboard standup.”
Earnhardt Jr.’s comeback announcement has sent shockwaves through the sports world, with some predicting that this could change the way we see sports as we know it.
“What I saw and heard today, it really could be a new day for us”, a TV executive said when reached for comment.  “Ratings are down for sporting events across the board, but with Dale Jr.’s appeal to Nascar fans, we could see a ripple effect that goes across all programming.”
Dale Jr., however, was much more humble in his assessment of his announcement today.
“Nah, it wasn’t any big deal”, Dale Jr. said when reached for comment.  “I never thought I’d be announcing a comeback either, but hey—NBC really wanted me to guest-spot on their golf tournament coverage, and getting to see a guy go from two over par to challenging for the lead—man, what a comeback!”