Sunday, August 6, 2017

Nascar Spokesman Admits They Have No Idea What To Do If More Than 16 Drivers Win


The Nascar Cup Series has seen ten different winners in ten straight points paying races, joining three other drivers with non-encumbered wins for 2017.  This spate of wins has caused many to ask what would happen if more than 16 racers qualify for the upcoming Playoffs with wins, which, according to Nascar, is a situation they have not prepared for.
“Well, I asked around Daytona (Beach, Nascar’s corporate headquarters), to see what would happen if we get more than 16 points-paying race winners in the regular season”, said Nascar spokesman Nelson Michaels.  “And, to be honest, I couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone.  So I guess we just got to hope it doesn’t happen then?”
Michaels stated that Nascar never anticipated having more than 15 winners in the 26 race “regular season”, only to have such a thing become a possible reality this year.
“At Nascar, we’re constantly looking for ways to level the playing field and create more winners”, Michaels explained, “but when we tweaked our format and rules package to level the playing field and create more winners, it actually worked.  Oh well, guess there’s a first time for everything?  Or maybe this is more like a broken clock, I dunno…”
Michaels explained that he went to Nascar’s rules-making office for clarification, only to find that the thousand monkeys on a thousand typewriters had the day off.  He said he even went straight to Brian France’s office, only to be told by his personal secretary that “1pm to 3pm is nap time around here”.

“Nascar is an ever-evolving sport, and we’re always willing to make changes to improve our on-track product”, Michaels said.  “Even if there’s a problem that we, ourselves, created, we will figure out a way to solve it, creating several other smaller problems in its wake.  That’s the Nascar way.”