Friday, December 30, 2016

Spade Racing’s 2016 Silent But Deadly Game Tournament QUARTERFINALS

For years Nascar fans have been saying that the “Chase for the Cup” is not a valid way to determine the best driver in Nascar’s top series.  How, then, can we find out who truly is “the best of the best” in stock car racing?
That’s where Spade Racing comes in.
Taking inspiration from the WWF/E’s 1998 Survivor Series “Deadly Game” tournament to crown a new champion, we at Spade Racing have assembled the 15 greatest drivers in Nascar (…and Chris Buescher) in a secret underground fighting tournament to determine who really IS the best.
And now, here it is, the Spade Racing Silent But Deadly Game Tournament!

QUARTERFINALS
1. Martin Truex. Jr. vs. 8. Kurt Busch
RECAP: After a first round almost-devoid of upsets, things got started off in the quarterfinals with a bang as Kurt Busch got the early jump on Martin Truex Jr., with Truex kicking out of a pin merely thirty seconds in the match in the nick of time.  A stunned Truex attempted to mount a comeback, but the plucky Busch showed his mettle, fighting back to land a Monster Mash, the pin, and the shocking victory, leaving the crowd in stunned silence.  An overjoyed Busch quickly ran back to the locker room, while a dejected Truex was left flabbergasted in the ring.  Truex then grabbed a microphone, blaming the loss on bad luck, Andrew Luck, Lucky Strikes, Lucky Charms, and Pot Luck Dinners.  WINNER: Busch, 2:59, PIN.

4. Matt Kenseth vs. 5. Joey Logano
RECAP: Another old rivalry flared-up in the tournament, with arch-rivals Kenseth and Logano going at it toe-for-toe, eye-to-eye, excuse-for-excuse.  A back-and-forth battle had the crowd squarely on “Robot” Kenseth’s side, as “Go Low” Logano used a number of low blows and eye-gouges to regain his advantage.  Eventually Logano attempted to set up for his Pennzoil Plunge finishing move, only to be countered by Kenseth with a Dollarcanrana.  At this point, Logano slipped an “illegal object” into an exhausted Kenseth’s hand, which was quickly spotted by the referee, who declared a disqualification in Logano’s favor, giving him the win.  An enraged Kenseth, suddenly eliminated from the tournament, began attacking the prone Logano with the object, later revealed to be a DeLana Harvick action figure.  WINNER: Logano, 10:15, DQ.

6. Jimmie Johnson vs. 3. Kyle Busch
RECAP: At first, it appeared that Busch would win the match by countout, with Johnson nowhere to be seen after his savage beating in the opening round.  However, Johnson soon ran to the ring with a renewed sense of purpose, the trademark smile gone from his face as he savagely destroyed Busch with punch after punch.  Surprisingly Johnson didn’t respond to Busch’s valet’s pleas for mercy, but perhaps more surprisingly, the crowd appeared to cheer FOR Johnson, despite his lack of mercy or sportsmanship.  Johnson eventually stopped the mauling by angrily pinning the nearly-passed-out Busch, angrily yelling “IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?!?” to the cheering crowd.  WINNER: Johnson, 7:57, PIN.

10. Carl Edwards vs. 2. Kevin Harvick
RECAP: Harvick went into this match as, arguably, the biggest favorite going forward.  But despite not being given much of a chance at competing, Edwards came on strong, applying a series of holds and maneuvers that appeared to wear down the confident Harvick.  However, it appeared that Harvick would not be denied, putting Edwards into a “Busch Clash” hold.  Then, seemingly on the verge of tapping out, Edwards reached mightily for the ropes, scoring a break and stunning Harvick.  Edwards then mounted a slow-building comeback, wearing Harvick down until finally being able to make the Arris Flip for the pin and the win.  WINNER: Edwards, 10:59, PIN.