For years Nascar fans have been saying that the “Chase for the Cup” is not a valid way to determine the best driver in Nascar’s top series. How, then, can we find out who truly is “the best of the best” in stock car racing?
That’s where Spade Racing comes in.
Taking inspiration from the WWF/E’s 1998 Survivor Series “Deadly Game” tournament to crown a new champion, we at Spade Racing have assembled the 15 greatest drivers in Nascar (…and Chris Buescher) in a secret underground fighting tournament to determine who really IS the best.
And now, here it is, the Spade Racing Silent But Deadly Game Tournament!
6. Chase Elliott vs. 11. Jimmie Johnson
RECAP: It was a case of old vs. new, rookie vs. veteran, inexplicably loved vs. inexplicably hated as “Ace” Chase Elliott took on Jimmie “Nice Guy” Johnson. Elliott used his mastery of the crowd perfectly, taking the match to the barricades and smashing Johnson’s head against them to the delight of the assembled fans. Johnson, smiling the whole time, was heard telling each fan “thank you! thank you!” despite being spat upon. Eventually Elliott took things a bit too fan when he took Johnson over to a group of “fans” made up of former members of their stable, The Hendrick Honchos. Johnson was beaten and battered by the likes of Casey Mears, Joe Nemechek, and even Ken Schrader, being pelted with Excedrin tablets from the crowd, until the referee finally decided enough was enough, ending the match in Johnson’s favor with a disqualification to the crowd’s disdain. WINNER: Jimmie Johnson, 9:20 DQ.
3. Kyle Busch vs. 14. Kyle Larson
RECAP: The Battle of the Kyles went about as planned, with “Rowdy” Busch dominating the younger “Elk Grove Ninja” in a match that was really over before it began. Using both his patented “Interstate Battery Battering Bashes” and his manager’s feminine wiles, Busch scored a dominating victory in quick fashion with a decisive pin. Busch then used his mic time to complain about how next year he won’t be able to compete in lower-level matches organized by NXT (Nascar Xfinity Tournament). WINNER: Kyle Busch, 3:18 PIN.
7. Brad Keselowski vs. 10. Carl Edwards
RECAP: They say old rivalries die hard, and so does the animosity between these two stars in The Battle of the Racing Surfaces. “Concrete” Carl had the early advantage, only for “Koncrete” Keselowski to reverse the match with the application of his patented “Black and Blue Deuce” hold. Edwards reached the ropes for a break, but when the two warriors ran into each other for a lock-up, their teeth clashed against each other, knocking them each out. Slow to get to their feet, Keselowski appeared to have the advantage, setting up for his fishing “Miller Time” DDT, only for Edwards to shock his opponent and the crowd with his signature Arris Flip, leading to the pin shortly before time expired. WINNER: Carl Edwards, 14:49 PIN.
2. Kevin Harvick vs. 15. Jamie McMurray
RECAP: “The Man of a Thousand Nicknames” appeared to be in trouble at first, starting slowly against the lowly-regarded Jamie “Happy to Be Here” McMurray. After appearing to knock Harvick out, McMurray grabbed a microphone and revealed his dastardly plan, claiming to have replaced Harvick’s normal pre-fight meal of Jimmy John’s subs with McDonalds. However, Harvick then rose to his feet, winked at the crowd, then delivered his devastating finishing maneuver, The Bakersfield Bash. Afterwards, seemingly to prolong the pain, Harvick locked McMurray into his “stretch” hold, The Busch Clash, which McMurray quickly tapped out of. WINNER: Harvick, 5:41, SUB.