Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Jeffrey Earnhardt to Media: “Call Me Jeffrey X”


The stunning news continued to flow out of the Charlotte area this morning, as Sprint Cup Series driver Jeffrey Earnhardt convened a press conference to announce that he is no longer to be known as “Jeffrey Earnhardt”—he is now to be known as “Jeffrey X”.
38th Place By Any Means Necessary
“Jeffrey Earnhardt was a name stolen from me by my so-called step-grandmother”, the driver said from the podium, his voice filled with rage and purpose.  “From this point forward, I will only be known as Jeffrey X, a free man able to decide and choose without persecution from sports marketing law experts.”
The name change comes following weeks of news that Jeffrey’s father, former 10-10-220 spokesman Kerry Earnhardt, had his “Earnhardt Collection” of custom homes challenged in court by Teresa Earnhardt, step-mother to Kerry and widow of champion Dale Earnhardt Sr.  The case has stoked emotions in a number of Nascar fans and insiders, though today’s announcement is the first concrete action taken by a family member.
“My windshield decals will simply have an ‘X’, Jeffrey X explained, “and my merchandise will only have an ‘X’ on it as well.  I’m also working with Fox to make sure that THEY only refer to me by my new, proper name, even if Michael Waltrip’s lisp might make it difficult.”
This is not the first name-change by a driver in Nascar—Geoff Bodine changed his official name to Geoffrey Bodine after a legal mix-up cost him ownership of his better-known shorter name.  Furthermore, a religious experience by Travis Pastrana caused him to change his full name to Travis Pastranaspinsonthebackstretch.

“I will continue to spread my message of liberation and freedom to the masses”, Jeffrey X told the assembled media, “including my uncle Dale (Earnhardt Jr.).  Furthermore, my back-of-the-garage compatriot Timmy Hill has said that he is working to change HIS name to ‘TBA’ to get more chances in a Cup car.”