Friday, December 11, 2015

Rumored National Stock Car Series Would be Boon to Local Racers; White Guys

With prohibition over—and the need for so-called ‘moonshine runners’ having dropped—those fellows with their souped-up sedans are cooking up a scheme to run a new racing “series” throughout the south.  Such a national racing series for stock cars would be a huge benefit for the many local racers and the many local race fans, all of whom are white guys.
“It’s been nigh eight years since the War Against Northern Aggression, and we’ve been fixin’ to have something big happen ‘round here”, said local sports writer and racing/white-guy expert Allie “Cat” Perkins.  “With a major stock car series running all around the south, it would no doubt put plenty of deserving white guys to work, and give plenty of white guys something to watch and follow.”
Perkins continued that such a racing series would also help to heal the wounds many white guys still nurse from the war.
“The South was emasculated after the war—it seems that yankees don’t like it when you try to leave their country—and we’ve been down ever since”, Perkins explained.  “We don’t have major-league-caliber baseball, and our college football teams never get any national recognition.  Heck, our All-White Southern Boxing Champions can’t even get a date at Madison Square Garden.  We’ve needed something like this to cheer our white fellows up for too long!”
Perkins admitted that there are many obstacles to seeing the plan come to fruition, despite the best-laid plans of the many drivers, promoters, and all-around white guys.
“Well, you’d need a great number of drivers, for one, and you’d also need quite a few men to police the drivers, making sure they ain’t cheatin’”, Perkins said.  “Besides that, you’d also need a real strong leader, and the money behind him to make things really happen.  But if there’s one thing we have here in the American South, it’s white guys willing to make it happen—we’re willing to do the work to make our dreams a reality.

“Hey, do you think we could get some colored boys to build the grandstands?”