Sunday, November 1, 2015

Kenseth Punts Logano; Jeff Burton Injured Jumping on High Horse


Jeff Gordon winning in his final season
and clinching a berth in the finale
was NOT the top story
The Nascar world was stunned as Matt Kenseth punted rival driver Joey Logano into the wall late in today’s race at Martinsville.  Thankfully neither driver was injured, although broadcaster Jeff Burton suffered a sprained ankle jumping onto his high horse in the booth.
“Ouch, dang, barely got on the saddle there”, Burton was heard muttering shortly after the wreck happened.  “Nascar’s gotta get a handle on this.  We can’t have guys just intentionally wrecking people out there.  That’s not what Nascar is about and that’s not the way real professionals race.”
Burton, a former driver, ignored the crowd’s cheers upon Logano being shoved into the wall by the lapped, damaged car of Kenseth.  While it appeared that Kenseth WAS in the wrong, Burton found it necessary to blame seemingly everybody.
“Nascar wanted this when they came up with the Chase Grid, but this is too much”, Burton explained after being handed a microphone with a longer cord to reach his lofty perch.  “We all want drama, we all want action, but we don’t want this, it’s not real racing.  Anybody got an icepack for my ankle?”
While lauded for his diction and ability to explain on-track action, Burton found it necessary to climb precariously onto his high horse, where he was joined soon-after by Tom Logano.
“Ithinkthatwasintentionalguys”, Steve Letarte quickly explained.  “Imeanyeahsomethingcouldhavebreakedbutitsaprettyobviousmovethere.”

In a related story, team owner Joe Gibbs was also unavailable as he was permanently perched on his high horse.