Sunday, November 8, 2015

BREAKING NEWS: Man Caught Shooting Pin Into Joey Logano’s Tire

In what’s believed to be a first, a mysterious man was caught shooting pins from a pea-shooter into the tires of Joey Logano early in today’s race.  The man’s identity remains a mystery, other than the fact that he looks somewhat like Matt Kenseth.
“We don’t know who he is”, Brian France said upon being awakened from his daily nap, “but we’ll get to the bottom of this.  This isn’t ‘The Great Push-Cart War’, although that WAS a great book.  We don’t know much about this guy, other than that he REALLY looks like Matt Kenseth.”
When asked if the assailant could be Matt Kenseth, France responded angrily.
“What?  Come on, there’s no way it could be Matt Kenseth—he was banned from the track today!”, France yelled.  “Besides, we got a hold of this guy’s hard card—it clearly says ‘NOT MATT KENSETH’, so it’s not him, ok?”
France promised a thorough investigation into who the mystery man is, putting it ahead of all other projects.

“We won’t rest until we find out who this was”, France said.  “We’ll just have to put off our other projects like figuring out why we keep re-upping with Goodyear when their tires keep blowing at the drop of a hat.”