Sunday, July 27, 2014

Carl Edwards Leaving Roush-Fenway Racing for Front Row Motorsports

In a long-awaited announcement that was finally made official this morning, Roush-Fenway Racing has announced that they are parting ways with longtime driver Carl Edwards at the conclusion of the 2014 season.  Edwards, when reached for comment, confirmed that he will be staying with Ford Racing by moving to Front Row Motorsports for the 2015 season, citing the team's potential and lack of people who hate him.
"Why don't that bug-eyed dummy,
one-hit wonder, and that girl's
boyfriend want to hang out with me?"
"There were a lot of open rides for 2015, but Front Row Motorsports really had the best to offer for my future career", Edwards said to the assembled media.  "It's been a great ride at Roush-Fenway, and I'll always be grateful to Jack (Roush) for what he's done for my career, but I have to do what's best for me.  And what's best for me is NOT getting punched in the face by Greg Biffle every Wednesday morning at team headquarters."
Edwards said he considered numerous offers from many different teams once it appeared that he would not be returning to Roush-Fenway.
"Well, I had a chance to go to Penske Racing, but Brad Keselowski set up some fishing wire by the team entrance and a bucket of water sitting on a doorway.  Joe Gibbs Racing had a very attractive offer, but apparently it's considered 'unprofessional' to use the term 'Matt KenSUCK' in an interview.  Oh, and apparently some teams have a one-telegenic-jerk-limit per Cup garage--MWR, I'm looking in your direction."
Edwards has said that the sponsorship situation is still up in the air for 2015, but he remains excited about the possibilities.
"Well, we won't be able to keep Fastenal with us, but there's plenty of companies that would love to support me, a media-savvy winner that no other drivers even remotely like.  Besides, if I can pretend to like mushy, mass-produced sandwiches, I can endorse anything."
Current Front Row Motorsports drivers David Ragan and David Gilliland were both unavailable for comment, as neither of them has ever been interviewed pre-race.