Sunday, July 13, 2014

Bruton Smith Celebrates in Victory Lane for Some Reason

Even a late caution couldn't stop the Brad Keslowski freight-train from dominating the race at New Hampshire today.  And in victory lane, he was joined by team owner Roger Penske and track owner Bruton Smith, who was there for some odd reason.
Bruton, prior to inventing baldness
"Being here, this is what it's all about!", Smith shouted out, although no interviewers were near him.  "You know, when I built this track, I knew it would be a place for high-speed, intense racing.  To see a guy like Brad Keselowski--the guy I recommended to The Captain to take over the 2-car--win here, it just makes me smile."
Upon being corrected (NHIS was built by Bob Bahre, and Keselowski was interviewed by Roger Penske for his Cup ride), Smith appeared to completely ignore the suggestions.
"Well, this sport is all about action like the kind we saw at the end of the race, thanks to the Green-White-Checkered that I invented", Smith continued while firmly gripping onto a reporter's microphone.  "Just think--Bad Brad gets to celebrate tonight with lobster and apple ale, which was my idea as well!"
Smith was criticized for allowing 72-year-old Morgan Shepherd to compete in today's race, although he seemed unfazed.
"Morgan's a good friend of mine, which is ironic since I invented being friends with drivers", Smith said.  "In this sport, if you qualify fast enough for a race, you can run in the race.  Oh, by the way, did I tell you that I invented qualifying too?"
Race-winner Brad Keselowski was heard saying "Keep Mr. Magoo away from me", and thus was quickly spirited out of victory lane disguised as a broom.
"Where's Brad?", Smith was heard wondering aloud.  "Oh, he's probably too humble to celebrate--good thing I invented humility too."
"Oh, and screw the RTA."