Sunday, March 13, 2016

Clint Bowyer Announces Plans to Build Time Machine to 2017

Despite another lackluster effort today at Phoenix International Raceway, Clint Bowyer was upbeat after the race, announcing that he is beginning work on a time machine to take him to the 2017 season.
"...I like money"
“Oh, it’s coming along”, Bowyer said.  “We have all the blueprints together, some of my buddies are getting the materials as we speak.  I’m hoping I can get ‘er up and running by the Easter off week.”
Bowyer had anticipated spending the 2016 running for the mid-level HScott Motorsports team—however, the team has been completely non-competitive in the first four races of the season.
“Harry Scott’s a great guy, but what’s the point of running for a team that never contends—heck, I’m Clint Bowyer, not Matt DiBennedetto”, Bowyer said.  “Besides, every time i type in ‘HScott’ on my phone, it autocorrects back to just ‘Scott’—that’s SO annoying!”
Bowyer was less-expressive on the details of how his time machine would work.
“Well, I just need to go forward about eight months—it’s not like I need to go back and forth between eras or anything.  In fact I’m only going to use it once—the dang thing could break right afterwards and I’d still be fine.”
Bowyer said that, while he hopes that the time machine will solve his problems, he is willing to stick it out for the rest of the season if necessary.

“Look, if I have to show up and run at the back of the back every race, so be it”, Bowyer said.  “But I’d rather just jump ahead to the good stuff.  Heck, good stuff ALWAYS happens to me after bad stuff, just look at what happened with MWR!”