Friday, January 29, 2016

Nascar Nation Decides They Like Jeff Gordon Now

After over a decade of boos, thrown debris, and angry Geocities websites, Nascar Nextel Cup Series driver Jeff Gordon is officially now “liked” by Nascar Nation.
“We’ve hated Jeff Gordon since his second year in Cup”, a spokesman for the general group of Nascar fans said in an authorized statement, “but we’ve decided that Jeffy’s paid his dues enough to become a beloved favorite veteran.  He’s no longer ‘Wonderboy’—nay, he’s more Respected Veteran…a respected veteran who we love to cheer for when he wins once or twice a year.”
From constant unsubstantiated claims of cheating to the unfortunately-acronymed “Fans Against Gordon”, the so-called “Rainbow Warrior” has arguably taken more abuse than any driver in Nascar history.  That, however, is officially changing.
“These things go in cycles—from Richard Petty to Darrell Waltrip to Dale Earnhardt to Jeff himself, Nascar Nation has always found a certain driver to hate for ‘winning too much’—and ironically, none of them have really deserved all the anger…well, except for Darrell Waltrip”, the official statement continued.  “Maybe its how Jeff got reamed-out at his divorce settlement, maybe its the fact that he got rid of that rainbow on his car and put on some cool flames, or maybe its just that he’s away from that weirdo Ray Evernham.  Any way you slice we’re ready to accept Jeff Gordon as one of our own.”
Nascar Nation was unspecific when asked who the next target of their hate might be.
“We’re looking around at all the possible drivers to hate for no good reason going forward—Tony Stewart’s an obvious possibility, but don’t count out Kurt Busch”, the statement concluded.  “But whoever we pick, they’ll be the source of ridicule and vitriol for no real concrete reason for the next 8-10 years.

“Heck, it’s a compliment in a way—we don’t just give our hate out to nobody flash-in-the-pans like, say, Jimmie Johnson!”