Friday, January 22, 2016

Hulk Hogan Comes to Nascar

In a landmark combination of sports, racing, and pop-culture, pro-wrestling legend Hulk Hogan will be sponsoring driver Rodney Combs for the 1995 Busch Series season, part of a partnership between WCW and Petty Enterprises.
“Well, you know something, brother, Hulkamania doesn’t just run wild in wrestling, dude!”, Hogan yelled at the introductory press conference.  “I been scouting all the drivers for some time now, brother, and Rodney Combs, he’s got the training, the prayers, the vitamins, to run wild all over Nascar, jack!”
The sponsorship will have Combs running a Pontiac Grand Prix in Hogan’s trademark red-and-yellow colors.  The car features “Hulkster” (a common nickname for Hogan) on the hood, with an electric-looking “HOGAN” on the quarter panels.
“Nascar is the biggest racing series in America, and now with The Hulkster and all his Hulkamaniacs on board, brother, Nascar’s gonna be the biggest racing series in the WORLD, brother!”, Hogan continued at maximum volume.  “We’re talking main-event races, t-shirts, diecast cars, movies, heck—we might even try to get Rockin’ Rodney Combs in the ring, brother!”
Combs, a longtime short-track racer in the midwest, demurred and directed all comments to team-owner Richard Petty.
“The whole rasslin’ deal, it’s something we got to put together just before the season started”, Petty explained as Hogan flexed behind him.  “Listen—you get a company like Ted Turner’s rasslin’ organization behind your team, you’re gonna take that deal.”
Hogan then took the microphone from Richard Petty to criticize The King’s son for erroneously calling Hogan a “WWF” wrestler during Daytona coverage.
“Kyle’s gotta stop living in the past, dude”, Hogan explained while preparing to tear off his shirt.  “Because WHATCHA GONNA DOOO, when HULKAMANIA RACES WILD ON YOUUUUUU!?!”

Hogan then tore off his shirt, walked backstage, and remarked how happy he was that the sport of stock car racing is overwhelmingly white.