Saturday, May 17, 2014

Danica Patrick gets the Night Off

The problem with working with Mark Martin


Last night Danica Patrick was unable to race her way into tonight's Sprint All-Star Race.  More-shockingly, she was unable to win the Sprint Fan Vote, with DogeCoin-supported driver Josh Wise garnering the most votes.  With her first quasi-"Did Not Qualify" in her Nascar career, she's expected to spend her night as such:

7pm: Arrive at track, hoping that Josh Wise took her advice to "go out on top and retire".

7:05pm: Condolences from some of Nascar's elite, most of which can be summed up as, "At least your hauler doesn't keep getting stolen".

7:25pm: Ask Kurt Busch if anybody at Indy, you know, asked about her.

7:40pm: Kurt stops laughing.
"If there's one thing I remember from
my racin' days, it's not qualifying."

7:50pm: Dinner with Ricky Stenhouse Jr. at Hardee's.

8:25pm: Return to track; rejects offer to watch race from the Dave Blaney DNQ Suite.

8:30pm: Joins Nascar on Fox (Sports 1) broadcasting team for pre-race feature, "Girl Talk with Danica and Mikey".

8:55pm: Interview with Darrell Waltrip.

9:10pm: Files retraining order against Darrell Waltrip.

9:20pm: Wishes teammates good-luck.

9:25pm: Finishes apologizing to Tony Stewart for telling him to "break a leg out there".

9:30pm: Watches start of race from hauler.

9:35pm: Phone call.

9:35:05pm: Angrily hangs up after a caller sounding suspiciously like Kyle Petty asks her if "Mike R. Izzenfazt" is there.