Sunday, October 21, 2012

Matt Kenseth Wins at Kansas, Drinks Entire Bottle of Zest

In a crash-filled race at Kansas Speedway, Matt Kenseth came out victorious in the Hollywood Casino 400.  Kenseth then celebrated in Victory Lane by drinking an entire bottle of Zest Body Wash.
"Wooo!  Yeahhhh!!!"  Kenseth yelled upon finishing the body wash, throwing the now-empty bottle into the air.  "We did it today!  Wooo!"
Kenseth then continued, "This just shows what this Zest Ford Fusion can do", Kenseth told Dr. Jerry Punch with bubbles coming out of his mouth.  "To be able to win a crazy race like this, car wrecking left and right, its just an amazing feeling."
"People have said Matt was a lame-duck driver, that's just wrong", said crew chief Jimmy Fennig, who looked on visibly horrified as his driver drank an entire 16 ounce bottle of soap.  "Matt's a true champion, he's gonna give it his all till the final checkered falls at Homestead."
Team co-owner Jack Roush congratulated Kenseth, remarking that he was "…very proud of Matt", and that his breath smelled a little bit like deodorant.  "Its been great having a driver like Matt on our team all these years, a real privilege", Roush said, after checking to see if Kenseth was vomiting.
"This is really what its all about", Kenseth added to reporters, most of whom were asking him if he needed an ambulance.  "We're all winners here, and I hope that next week I can drink a jar of change for Fifth Third Bank."