Brad Keselowski Gives Inscrutable Victory Lane Interview

"Yeah, they don't let me near the beer cooler
anymore"

After hunting down and passing Kyle Busch with mere laps remaining, Brad Keselowski cruised into victory lane in the Kobalt 400, leading to a dense, layered post-race interview.

“Well really, this was a team effort, even if it shows as more of an individual effort”, Keselowski opined upon exiting his car.  “Any time you can win against the best this sport has to offer, you’re happy, but you still remember how much it can change in an instant, so you stay humble, you stay hungry, even as you enjoy it.”

The assembled media corps listened in silence, either enraptured by the well-spoken driver’s words, or completely confused at what he was saying.

“We silenced a lot of haters today with our performance”, Keselowski continued.  “Then we had them cheering our efforts, so we silenced the silencers.  You want to give the fans a great show, but never remember the real reasons why you’re doing this out here.”

After fading at the end of the race, Kyle Busch was much more concise in his post race interview, simply saying “leave me alone”.

Las Vegas “News” and Notes

—The 2016 Winner of the Why Do People Care About This award is…not having 40 cars in a 40 car field!

Sorry

—Ricky Stenhouse Jr. will have Sunny D as a sponsor for a few races this year, but only after they were turned down by Soda, OJ, and the lucrative Purple Stuff rights holders.

—Yeah, we’re in the first of two nearly-month-long breaks in the Truck Series schedule.

—SHR might have lost access to privileged information from Hendrick Engines, but they have an ace up their sleeve: Tony Stewart, a cocktail dress, and a lonely security guard at the HMS gate.

—For the Xfinity race, Clint Bowyer will be in the booth, so expect about a million jokes about running into the barrier at that Supercross event.

Timmy Hill to Run Washington Generals Tribute Paint Scheme

Longtime Nascar rookie driver Timmy Hill will attempt to run his first Cup race of the year this weekend and will do so running a car paying tribute to the recently-defunct Washington Generals basketball team.

The Generals, inspiring Timmy Hill

“We’re disappointed that we couldn’t make anything come together for Daytona, but we’re glad to be back at the track in a Cup car…or, at least, an ARCA car that can pass Cup inspection”, Hill said.  “The chance to pay tribute to such a hallowed, historic team as the Washington Generals is just generic icing on the generic cake for me.”

The Generals team was best-known for it’s legendary rivalry with the Harlem Globetrotters, spanning decades and thousands of games.  Shortly after the death of the team’s owner/founder/coach Red Klotz, the team disbanded.

“As a Maryland native, I grew up rooting for all the great Washington sports teams—the Diplomats, the Federals, the Commandos—“, Hill continued, “but I’m grateful to my longtime sponsor *Crispy Hexagons* for allowing us to run this very special tribute to a very special team.”

Hill has said that his plans for the rest of the season are still very much up-in-the-air, though he claims that the new “Charter system” instituted by Nascar is not much of a hindrance.

“I’ve been up against it since the beginning”, Hill said.  “from lack of funding to Matt Kenseth wanting to kill me.  But if the Washington Generals taught me anything, it’s this: When in doubt, just keep losing.”