Monday, August 6, 2018

Nascar Spokesperson Keeps Changing Subject to Chase Elliott’s Win


The Nascar world has been rocked by last night’s arrest of chairman Brian France for DUI and possession—however, in a press conference earlier today, Nascar spokesperson Katie Kelley tried to steer the conversation back to Chase Elliott’s first-ever Cup Series win on Sunday at Watkins Glen.
“Now I know why you’re all here—to talk about Chase Elliott’s first win”, Kelley told the assembled media, drawing chuckles.  “But seriously, we need to discuss an even bigger issue than a second-generation driver’s first-ever win—the fact that his father, Bill Elliott, will be returning to national series competition in a few short weeks!”
Media members repeatedly asked Kelley for information on France’s current legal situation, only for her to constantly shift the tone back to Elliott’s admittedly popular win on Sunday.
“Yes, so you want to know how this affects the sport?”, Kelley replied to a reporter asking if France’s arrest would lead to sweeping changes in the sport’s leadership.  “Well, all I can say is that when someone like Chase Elliott wins, its going to really electrify the fanbase.  We all heard the cheers on Sunday after the checkered flag fell—we think the sport will be more popular than it has been in years.”
Another reporter asked about the hypocrisy of France’s hard-line stance against Jeremy Mayfield for refusing to participate in the “Road to Recovery” program, leading to this response:
“Yes, Jeremy Mayfield, who used to race as a teammate to Bill Elliott.  Remember when Bill came back to sub in for Jeremy at Watkins Glen?  The very place where his son went to victory lane on Sunday?  Crazy, isn’t it?”
The dodging of the issue continued throughout the press conference, eliciting audibly frustrated sighs from the assembled media members.  Kelley then decided to wrap up the session far ahead of usual schedule.

“Look, I know we all want more information on Chase Elliott, but its time to finish up.  You can get far more information on Nascar.com, which is filled with stories on the biggest headline in recent memory—Chase wins at The Glen!”