Editor's note: Due to that pesky little thing called "Real Life", there'll be no post-race "Burnout" article this weekend. Instead, enjoy this handy guide. ALSO, Uncle Max has said he's picking Ryan Newman for the mid-week Eldora Truck Series race.
Dover—closest track to his birthplace on the Jersey Shore
Pocono—closest track to his birthplace on the Jersey Shore by driving distance (Truexes never take the Cape May-Lewes Ferry)
Watkins Glen—first time at a race was in the mud bog (literally—he got thrown in by some Jimmy Spencer fans)
New Hampshire—its in a state with “New” in the name, just like New Jersey
Richmond—closest asphalt oval track to his birthplace on the Jersey Shore
Martinsville—hey, its got his name in it! (Note: may be replaced if the proposed track in Truexopolis, Oregon ever gets built)
Charlotte—home track of his former teams, DEI and MWR, both of which went OUT OF BUSINESS without him, so there
Darlington—the future birthplace of his Dick Passwater tribute paint scheme
Bristol—Bass Pro Shops sponsors the night race there, don’t they?
Atlanta—Bass Pro Shops used to sponsor the race there, didn’t they?
Daytona—birthplace of Nascar (come on, isn’t that good enough?
Homestead—has a nuclear power plant nearby, just like his birthplace on the Jersey Shore
Kentucky—race is sponsored by Quaker State, which is named for Pennsylvania, neighbor of his home state of New Jersey
Talladega—let’s just chalk it up to a kiddie pool, a case of reasonably-priced beer, and a package of factory-second Nilla wafers
Indianapolis—just always liked the place, even after he discovered that the “Clabber Girl” wasn’t a real person
Chicagoland—Chicago is mob-controlled, just like his birthplace on the Jersey Shore
Michigan—in Brooklyn, just like the borough of Brooklyn, which is near his birthplace on the Jersey Shore
Kansas—really quick McDonalds nearby
Texas—nothing prepares you mentally for the drain of a 500 mile race like trying to promote foreign cars in The Lone State State
Las Vegas—closest track to Furniture Row Racing
Phoenix—closest track to the closest track to Furniture Row Racing
California—home track for Toyota
Sonoma—closest track to his birthplace on the Jersey Shore if you go in the opposite direction around the globe