Sunday, November 12, 2017

Timmy Hill Knows Just What He’d Do If He Was Running for the Championship at Homestead


Unprompted, part-time Nascar driver Timmy Hill informed a group of motorsports reporters today what he’d do if he happened to be running in next weekend’s “Championship Race” at Homestead-Miami Speedway.
“Its something that I’ve played out in my mind hundreds of times”, the Port Tobacco, Maryland native told the uninterested group of reporters.  “I’d make sure my pit crew was ready for anything, and I’ve have my PR guy completely clear my schedule so I had NO distractions at all—I’d be as ready as I’d ever be.”
Hill appeared to have a concrete vision as to how he’d handle the intense pressure of the “Winner Take All” race, despite the fact that he has yet to post a win, top-five, top-ten, or pole in Nascar’s premiere series.
“I’d get my media obligations out of the way on Sunday morning—I know how important you reporters are to my career”, Hill told the assembled media, most of which were looking at their smartphones at the time.  “Then once I stepped into my car, it would be nothing but me and checkered flag as my only goal.  Everything would be focused on winning that race, AND the championship for me, my team, and my many, many sponsors and fans.”
Hill also seemed to be prepared for any possible on-track drama that could come in the race, despite it being quite different from his usual drama of trying to run a race on two sets of tires.
“If Kyle Busch tried to rub me into the wall”, Hill said, “I’d throw the car right back at him—BAM!  I bet that would give you guys something great to write about, right?”
Hill then realized that the media members he was talking at had migrated over towards a TV showing a local news interview with Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s backup jackman.