Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Personality Lost: A Spade Racing Investigation



Soul transference--the process of moving one person's soul to another's body.  Its supposed existence has been discussed for centuries.  But what about PERSONALITY transference?  Could it happen, accidentally, in a wreck?  And could it explain everything about a certain nascar champion?  Spade Racing sent intrepid reporter Scott Wilson to investigate.

Our search began with two seemingly unrelated stories.  First, the fact that five-time Sprint Cup champion Jimmie Johnson is, you know, kinda dull.  Second was a spate of reports over the past 12 years of a "Talking Wall" at Watkins Glen International.
With the help of some grainy YouTube footage we made the connection.  Jimmie Johnson was involved in a hard, head-on wreck at "The Glen" in 2000, before his Cup career began.  His Busch (now Nationwide) Series car hit the wall with great force--and this was the SAME WALL that fans had reported as the "Talking Wall".
We went to a local for some insight into the wall.  "Well, folks've been hearing voices from that wall since 'bout 2000", said local farmer Steve Dixon.  "'Course we (the locals) figured it was just a buncha drunks, but I heard the voices too.  Strange thing is how personable and humorous the voice is, too.  Oh, and I dunno if this has anything to do with the story, but (local driver) Geoff Bodine's a jerk."
The theory that Jimmie Johnson's personality left his body and went into the wall in 2000 was, at first, discounted by his triumphant post after the wreck.  But Johnson (who refused to comment for this story), stated in an earlier interview that he was "…just stretching after being in that cramped car".  Could it REALLY have happened?
"Soul transference is something we've studied for years", said Dr. Chris Byron, Professor of Metaphysical Science at Seneca Lake Technical College.  "Personality transference?  Well, while its not something we've seen discussed as often, is a possibility.  The driver's personality would have to be dislodged by some great force, like a hard crash into a wall.  By the way, I don't know if this has anything to do with the story, but (local driver) Geoff Bodine is a jerk."
But what about the wall itself?  When we went to interview it, we heard a string of jokes and interesting stories, but the wall wouldn't confirm or deny that it was speaking from the personality of Jimmie Johnson.
"Hey, I've seen LOTS in my time here, everything from a Canadian contending to an Australian winning!  But what I'd really like to see is a chance for me to re-enter my old body, get a run on this track, show people what I'm REALLY made of.  Hey, I don't know if this has anything to do with the story, but (local driver) Geoff Bodine is a jerk."

Thank you, Scott.  Next time, an investigation into the guys who say "GREEN GREEN GREEN" on restarts.