Spade Racing Picks: Uncle Max vs. Mystery Picker—Texas


EDITOR’S NOTE: Uncle Max texted me his picks earlier today from his vacation.  Its also worth noting that unless Mystery Picker wins this weekend, Uncle Max will clinch the season championship and force Mystery Picker to reveal themselves at the end of the year.

CUP SERIES AAA Texas 500: Mystery Picker (1 win) picks Kevin Harvick.  Favorite (4 wins): Martin Truex Jr.—if Truex has an off weekend and Rowdy wins….  Next Favorite (3 wins): Denny Hamlin—will we get another post-race Logano impression?  Dark Horse: Brad Keselowski—yeah yeah, well he’s out of the Playoffs so he’s a Dark Horse.

XFINITY SERIES O’Reilly Auto Parts 300 (7 wins): Christopher Bell—C.Bell gets back on track.

Denny Hamlin Apologizes Profusely After Visit from “Advisors”


Martin Truex Jr.’s dominant day (and post-race interview) were overshadowed by a post-race fight between Denny Hamlin and Joey Logano.  Hamlin, who was defiant in his initial post-fracas interview, struck a contrite tone today, flanked by two large men referred to as his new “advisors”.
The "Advisors"
“I would just like to apologize for everything that happened yesterday”, a nervous-sounding Hamlin said earlier today, sporting what appeared to be heavily-bandaged thumbs.  “I was wrong to criticize a member of the Logano family, and I’ll never do it again—I swear.”
The large men beside Hamlin—both of whom spoke with thick New York accents—quickly spoke up on Denny’s behalf.
“Yeah, we all make mistakes, don’t we Denny?” one of them said as Hamlin vigorously shook his head in agreement.  “I’ve seen a lot of people make mistakes once—but they never EVER make them again.”
“Yeah, that’s for sure”, the other man said while filing his nails.  “I seen it everywhere I’ve worked—casinos, liquor distribution, gentlemen’s clubs—heck, even waste management.  But everyone always learns the same thing—don’t EVER go against the family.”
Hamlin continued to apologize, also stating that he hoped to “…get his car back from the impound lot” by this weekend’s race at Texas.

(Editor’s note: I tried to ask either of the two men what their business was in Nascar, but they simply handed me a stereo, said it fell off a truck, and told me to keep my mouth shut.)

Kyle Busch Stays in his F***ing Motorhome


In response to a recent comment by KBM Truck Series driver Todd Gilliland, driver and team owner Kyle Busch stayed in his freaking motorhome on Saturday.
“Todd had a good point”, Busch said from his friggin motorhome on Saturday evening.  “It looked like it was going to rain, so I decided to stay here for the night with my family.  Much more comfortable than hobnobbing on pit road.”
Gilliland appeared to be commenting on Busch’s criticism of his lack of success when he screamed for Kyle to stay in his fecking motorhome during his cool-down lap on Saturday.  However, Gilliland himself disputed this characterizing.
“He’s staying in his flurking motorhome because it might rain?  Good, good!  He actually said that, right?”, a nervous Gilliland told the assembled media in his post-race press conference.  “He’ll no doubt appreciate my looking out for his welfare—I mean, rain’s in the forecast, lots of traffic on pit road, nowhere to really go in the greater Martinsville area, I’m really just looking out for him.”
Gilliland’s first Truck Series win came despite nearly two years in top-flight equipment, prompting Busch’s criticism of his performance—or so it seemed.
“When Mr. Busch called my performance a 2 out of 10, he was just complimenting me”, Gilliland explained.  “He meant that out of the top-ten drivers in the series, I was easily one of the top two of them.  He’s always looking out for me, and me for him—that’s why I wanted to make sure he stayed in his forking motorhome.”
Gilliland said he would visit Busch in his fudging motorhome this morning to discuss his plans for next season.