Friday, December 27, 2013

Carl Long Announces Plans to Start & Park; Is Fined by Nascar

Veteran independent driver Carl Long has announced that he is forming a Nationwide Series team for 2014, one that will primarily start & park until adequate sponsorship can be found.  Nascar, in response, has immediately fined Carl Long $50,000 for Conduct Detrimental to Stock Car Racing.
How I imagine the ceiling in
Brian France's office looks
"We at Nascar support all our independent owner-drivers--all five of them--to the fullest", Nascar Chairman Brian France said.  "However, we can't have someone just coming out and SAYING that they're going to do what's best for their team and its employees.  We MUST maintain the illusion of competition for our TV partners."
Long has been previously fined by Nascar at the 2009 Sprint All-Star race weekend for having an engine 0.17 centimeters too large, and was fined at the final Cup race at Rockingham for violating the laws of physics.
"As a repeat offender, we had to enforce a zero-tolerance policy on Mr. Long", said France, who reportedly had been spending most of his time this week in his Daytona Beach office trying to throw pencils into the drop ceiling.  "At Nascar, we can not and will not tolerate such a blatant display of honesty.  Jeez, even saying 'The H Word' makes me feel sick."
Long could not be reached for questioning, as his team does not have a building yet.  However, he did release a brief statement through his website/message-board.
"We will appeal this fine from Nascar, as soon as someone can give me a ride to the R&D building in Concord (North Carolina)", Long said.  "With that being said, would all the Dodge weirdos PLEASE stop messaging me."