This is a work of parody
Virtually everyone involved in yesterday’s Call811.com-sponsored Xfinity Series race is still recovering (literally) from the marathon 811-lap event at Phoenix International Raceway.
“That race…wow, that really took it out of me”, winner Chandler Smith said while slumped against his car in victory lane. “I know we weren’t going full-throttle for some of it, but we had to conserve our equipment, and our-our-ourselves—sorry, I’m still a little lightheaded.”
Multiple drivers required relief drivers throughout the race, which measured in at a little over 850 miles in distance.
“All I can say is: thank goodness we didn’t go into overtime”, said jackman Gary Willard from pit road. “The race went on so long, I had to order a pizza to keep from starving. Thankfully it got here during a long green-flag run: nobody wants to try jacking up a car with greasy fingers.”
The race’s record-setting distance was done in deference to sponsor Call 811, the nationwide service for avoiding digging up power lines.
“We wanted to make our title sponsor happy, but this may have gone a bit too far”, said Nascar official Kevin Williams. “I mean, the Aarons 499 was fine, and the Lenox 301 was just one extra lap—but 811 laps pushed the limits of man and machine today.”
Whilst waiting in line for the medical center, an unidentified driver joked that he just hoped that 1000Bulbs didn’t sponsor another race.
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