Special Protective Advance Defense Department Detachment (SPAD3) Racing will be making history in this year’s Daytona 500, as they take to the track in their #86 race car with the first-ever robotic driver in the sport’s history.
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| MOXOC doing its best Carl Edwards impression |
“OK, lets get this out of the way first—‘there’s nothing in the rulebook that says a cyborg can’t race a car’”, said team principal Kent Simms. “There—now that we’ve covered that, we’re very excited to bring the latest cutting-edge technologies to NASCAR Cup competition—specifically the first-ever automaton racer.”
The driver, nicknamed MOXOC (Mechanical Overlord eXpert Operational Cyborg), was on display at the introductory press conference.
“Alright, lets get THIS out of the way next—yeah, we all remember that Matt Kenseth robot commercial”, Simms said. “Anyways, as you can see, MOXOC here is built out of some of the best strength-to-weight ratio metals, and weighs approximately the same as an average stock car driver, Mark Martin notwithstanding. Oh, and just ignore that whole ‘overlord’ part of the name—we sincerely doubt we’ll have to use its weapons capability.”
Simms, who said that team owner Dave Graham was attending a sponsorship meeting in North Korea, expects the finer points of MOXOC’s programming to be finalized in a matter of weeks.
“The driving aspects, those are all ready to go”, Simms said, “but we’re still working on the ‘snappy answers to banal questions from broadcasters’ code, as well as the ‘being charming on Twitter without offending anyone’ scripts. Oh, and please don’t joke about how ‘ALL drivers are like robots today’, because that’s way too obvious.”