Nascar fans and crime-buffs everywhere received a shock in today's Nascar race, as superstar driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. revealed himself to be the legendary Batman at the Quicken Loans 400.
"Well, this is as good a time as any to give my secrets away: I am Batman", a happy but stoic Dale Earnhardt Jr. said in Victory Lane. "I know this might hurt my chances at crime-fighting, but there comes a time when a man just has to win a race, even if it means giving away my secret identity."
The Batman-logoed car was seen at the track all week, but it was assumed that Batman (previously thought to be either George Clooney or Val Kilmer) was driving the car in place of Dale Jr. However, Dale Jr. was the one to take his helmet off to take a cell phone call from Rick "Alfred" Hendrick.
"I really couldn't have done this without my crew chief, Steve LeTarte", Junior said to various reporters. "Now, I'm not SAYING that Stevie is Robin, but lets just say that he knows a lot about 'Holy 12-Second Pit Stops, Batman!'"
Junior explained that it was a long day at Michigan International Speedway, both racing AND fighting crime simultaneously. First, he had to defeat the villain who dominated Daytona, The Rain Man. Then, he had to hold off his oldest, wiliest foe, The Smoker.
"I can't tell you how hard its been fighting crime and trying to win a race for all my fans", Junior continued. "Its been tough leading a double-life, but now I don't have to anymore. If someone else wants to put on the mask, be my guest!"
Later on, Dale Jr. explained that Danica Patrick is NOT Catwoman, and that she is actually an imprisoned villain known as "The Spinout".