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Bounty—The Quicker Rowdy Wrecker-Upper


On the one hand, Nascar isn’t like pro wrestling.

On the other hand…

SCENE: A dimly-lit office.  A solitary figure sits behind a desk.  The desk is sparse with only a suitcase and a Jimmy John’s sub on it.

The lights brighten slightly revealing Kevin Harvick in a business suit behind the desk.

Harvick: (ominously, with barely contained anger) “Greetings fellow Cup drivers.  We all know why we’re here, but you don’t know why I’M here, now do you?  You see, I had a little talk with one of the money men, Marcus Lemonis. We pooled our resources, and we put together a little reward for all of you.”

Harvick picks up the briefcase, spins the numbers to unlock it, and it clicks open, revealing stacks of $100 bills.

“In this briefcase is $100,000.  All cash, tax-free, and you don’t even have to pay a licensing fee to Fanatics on it.  But if you want it, here’s what you’ll have to do.”

Harvick gets up and picks up the briefcase, holding it so the cash is visible.

“Our ‘good friend’ Kyle Busch is entering four more Truck races this year.  Think you can beat him?  All you need to do it win one of those four Truck races fair and square—no wrecks, no collusion, we don’t want the cops involved, or, worse, Chad Little *shudder*.”

Harvick quickly closes the briefcase.


“But if none of you can do it, Marcus gets his money back, and my half of the bounty goes to charity.  So—think you can do it?  Think you can beat Kyle Buschhhhhhhhhhhh—sorry, force of habit.”