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NascarMania: Like WrestleMania, but for Nascar, you see…


Tonight is The Granddaddy of Them All, The Showcase of the Immortals, The Thing Smarks Whine About Every Year—WrestleMania.  With a show expected to go over seven hours long from start to finish, there’s quite a few Nascar-themed matches on the card.  Here’s a preview (card subject to change):

PRE-SHOW:
Jimmy Spencer The Giant Memorial Battle Royale: 20 drivers on the back end of the Cup garage compete for a life-sized trophy and a chance to meet Jimmy Spencer himself, who will angrily remind them that he’s not dead.

PRELIMINARY MATCHES:

Christopher “C-Bell” Bell vs. Matt “Matty D” DiBenedetto vs. Erik “That” Jones “Boy” in a Two-Falls Elimination Match—winner of the first fall gets the 20 Cup car in 2020, winner of the second gets the 95 Cup car, loser gets five races in the JR Motorsports “All-Star” car.

Brandon “BJ” Jones vs. Matt “Master of his” Craft-on—$10,000 Menards Challenge, winner gets a $10,000 shopping spree at Menards, loser gets a $100 gift certificate to Hechinger’s.

Darrell “Bubba” Wallace Jr. vs. Justin “Filter Fury” Haley—Loser leaves RCR campus match

CHAMPIONSHIP MATCHES:
Six-Man Tag Championship: The Front Row (Matt Tiffffft, Michael McDowell, and David Ragan) vs. The SH(u)R(e) Things (Aric Almiola, Clint Bowyer, and Daniel Suarez)—if McDowell and Suarez touch before the match bell, both will be suspended for six months.

European Championship: Alon “The Israeli Insurrection” Day vs. Bobby “Yes, I Ran in Europe Last Year” Labonte

Hardcore Championship: Kurt “The Survivor” Busch vs. Jimmie “Ol Seven Time” Johnson—winner of this falls count anywhere weapons encouraged match gets to take a time machine back ten years

Intracontinental Championship: Kyle “The Elk Grove Ninja” Larson vs. Chase “My first name’s actually a nickname” Elliott: winner finally gets out of his contract with Chevy

Tag Team Championship: The Penske Posse (Joey Logano and Ryan Blaney) vs. Coach’s Crew (Denny Hamlin and Martin Truex Jr.)—former Washington football players and current Penske Automotive techs barred from ringside

World Championship: Kyle “Rowdy Rowdy Bowdy Bowdy” Busch vs. Kevin “Happy” Harvick vs. Brad “No Nicknames Needed” Brad Keselowski