Pages

My Guest Spots on Nascar America: Motormouths

DA DA da da DOO DOO DOO,
DOO DOO DOO,DOO DOO DOO
doo doo doo doo da da da da da
da da da DA DA
Some of you have asked and yes, that WAS me you heard on Nascar America’s new Wednesday call-in show, Motormouths. For those of you who missed it, here’s a transcript.

Rutledge Wood: “OK, it’s time for our first caller of the day—you’re on the air!”

Me: “Thanks Rut, I have a question for Pittman, first name Stu.”

Rutledge: “Wait—Stu Pittman? I’m sure I can take that question.”

Me: *laughs*
Rutledge: “What’s so—oh, WAIT A MINUTE! If I ever find you I’m gonna tie you to the back tire of a car and make it do hot laps!”
*deep breath*
Rutledge: “Sorry about that—let’s move on to our next caller.”

Me: “Yes, I was curious what you thought about the hot young development driver Esboring. I think his first name is DeShow.”

Rutledge: “Hmm, the name kinda rings a bell, what does the crew think about DeShow Esboring?”

Me: *laughs*

Crewmember: “You’re the cause of that, Rut!”

Rutledge: “ITS YOU AGAIN ISN’T IT! Listen you little punk! When I find you I’m gonna take your guts apart for inspection and make sure you fail multiple times!”
*frustrated sigh*
Rutledge: “Again I apologize. Ok, let’s try another caller here.”

Me: (heavily disguised voice) “Hello, I am, uh, new to this sport, and, uh, I’m looking for a driver to, uh, follow. I was thinking, uh, about that guy Gimmick, first name’s, uh, Ima.”

Rutledge: “Ima Gimmick?”

Kyle Petty: “You got that right!”

Rutledge: “Oh now THAT DOES IT! I’m gonna find you, take you down to the track, and beat you to death with my microphone in the urinal stalls!”

Me: “Yeah that’ll be another segment you do that’ll be a bathroom break!” *hangs up!*

Rutledge: “OH THAT SON OF A...well, I think that’s all the time we have for to...wait, we have one more caller? It’s not that guy...oh, good, ok, you’re on the air.”

Bill Weber: “NBC still owes me money from my work for Champ Car”


Rutledge: “CLOSE. BILL’S. MIC. NOW.”